...OrHardlyWorking

Monday Morning Motivation (1/17/11)

2011-01-17T06:04:00.001-08:00

A Grand Monday Morning to you:

On this special Monday Morning, I'll keep this letter short. One of the greatest motivators in American History, a true inspiration of mine, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. celebrates a 25th Anniversary of a holiday he earned in life by understanding the change he wanted to see in American, could bring him an early and tragic death.

Dr. King lived and loved without fear. And he was very aware of his purpose. So this morning, "Be KING like." Live and love without fear; become more aware of your purpose, big or small. Fearlessly be yourself. Learn what the small things are in your life, and complain less. Grab onto the things that make your heart sing and surround those things with a choir of good spirits.

Stay strong and motivated...

Monday Morning Motivation (1/10/11)

2011-01-10T05:42:00.001-08:00

A splendid Monday Morning to you:

This morning, being better than ever is an understatement; being "yourself" is is the very top of the mountain. Individuality is living; coming together to form alliances is what makes us human.

Acting is a thing of the past. You can't be everything to everybody and not expect to be a shell of yourself. Losing track of your identity only leads to the people around you losing hope in your abilities.

So this morning, look at an old picture of yourself, then ask, "Who was I, then? Who was I trying to be then? Am I that person now?" Life is beautiful, it is the ultimate challenge. How do you choose to step up to that challenge, this week?

Have an extraordinary Monday Morning, and you'll have an extraordinary week.

Monday Morning Motivation (1/3/11)

2011-01-03T05:56:00.001-08:00

A Phenomenal Monday to All!

Evolution over Resolution. This morning is the moment you come face to face with the extension to a previous idea; an idea to grow on; the idea that has been haunting your thoughts and never made it to paper. So pay attention this morning, this week at best, write every idea you have on paper, on your smartphone or computer. Don't miss out.

There is one more thing for you to think about this morning. For those of you that are in relationships, it is of utmost importance that you evaluate your significant other and whether or not they extend your personality and drive, or take from it. Focusing becomes more difficult with each object in your life lens. When you are with the wrong energy, you lose focus on all your objects, some are lost for the duration of your relationship. When you are with the right energy, this person helps you to focus on your goals, expand on your skills; you have someone that you want to be great for. Even if you're not in a relationship, keep these things in mind. A picture out of focus is low on, you've guessed it, resolution. Evolution is key.

Once again, thank you for all the support; the forwards, the retweets, the Facebook "likes" for Monday Morning Motivation. I am extremely humbled.

Have an amazing Monday Morning, and you'll be rewarded with an extraordinary week. Stay strong and Motivated.

Monday Morning Motivation (12/27/10)

2010-12-27T05:52:00.001-08:00

Great Monday Morning!

To all the Northeast residents, we aren't afraid of a little snow are we; stuck but not scared. Today is the last Monday of 2010, so instead of putting together a "Best-of" I'd rather that we all are reflective of the Mondays of our past 12 months and the achievements we now hold dear.

Now isn't the time to reset our plans, only enhance them, evolve them. Now is the best time to be YOU and live YOUR life in a way that inspire others.

On a sad note, the music world lost an amazing voice and woman, over the weekend, Teena Marie. Whether you pray or meditate, if you have some great energy to share, her family and friends could use it. Teena's loss like any other loss of life should be a reminder that we can't take this life we have, for granted; we must not take our loved ones for granted. It is not about whether tomorrow is promised or not. What it is about is not just setting and achieving goals, we must also set and achieve love. The way that we care and love is what makes us human. So love out loud.

A great Monday Morning equals a Great week. Stay strong and motivated.

Monday Morning Motivation (12/20/10)

2010-12-20T05:49:00.001-08:00

Great Monday Morning to ya'!

This is my second to last MMM for the calendar year of 2010. But there is no end in sight. Greatness has our name engraved in it. All we have to do is go to the store and pick it up.

But don't get me wrong, greatness isn't reserved like a dinner for two at a Five Star Restaurant. Greatness is attached to every plan, every goal we set out to achieve. The question is, "Are you leaving your Greatness at the store, for pick-up?"

We set goals all the time. Some of those goals just aren't meant to be. The growing population of "haters" are often wrong about their subjects. We must face the fact that sometimes, your "hater" might be right. (I know, where did that come from).

With that in mind, be sure that your new goals are full of passion. Passion work is the way live. It is overwhelming and rewarding. If you are living your passion, continue it. If you are well on your way to it, evolve until you reach it.

Have a great and productive Monday Morning and you will have a great and productive week. Stay strong and motivated.

Vacate from Talking about your Vacations

2010-07-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Must I really start off this message by saying that, “Times are Hard?!” If a person hasn’t lost their job these days, more than likely their hours have been cut or their salaries have been furloughed. And if it is not your coworker, maybe it’s their spouse that hit economic troubles. You just don’t know these days. A loss of a job could equal out to a loss of healthcare. And who’s to say that your coworker that depended on their spouses’ healthcare can afford to pick up the slack. Yet-in-still, you want to talk about your previous or future vacation to every person in your sights.

Really though, must everybody hear about how many points you’ve saved up from your trips across country and the world abroad? Must we hear about the car service that picked you up from the hotel and drop you off on white sand beaches with violinist awaiting your arrival? What if I’m broke? What if I could barely afford to get back and forth to work? Yet you are blocking off the exit to my cube so I could hear about you learning how to belly dance.

I get it. I’m supposed to be happy for you. You went off on a 14-day cruise of the Mediterranean, and you just wanted to share your experiences. Cool, I get that. But it is when you are talking about your next trip, and how your husband travels all the time; so now a 7 day trip will only be charged for 2 of those days. Wow, won’t you open up your eyes. I lost a lot of weight huh… well maybe because I’m not eating as much, because I can’t afford to! You should think about whom you are talking to… when was the last time you saw this person take a vacation? Never, right? But you are going on and on about clear waters and tropical fish.

How about this… how about you go and sit your ass down somewhere before you get cursed out by your stressed out coworker. Stop being self consumed. What, you don’t believe that talking to a person that lives in an apartment, about the next house you’re about to buy, is wrong? And you wonder why nobody wants to spend their 60 minute lunch with you. Be considerate of others…

OHW Presents: Slugging on the H.O.V.

2010-06-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

BREAKDOWN
If you live in the Metro DC area then you arent a stranger to the congestion of traffic that will turn a 30-minute commute into a 1.5-2 hour commute at the blink of an eye. The geniuses at V-DOT came up with some extra highway lanes but they are only for cars with at least three passengers. Guess they want to promote carpooling and help out our environment.

WHY I SLUG
After a year of leaving my house at an ungodly hour just to drive 30 miles to the office in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I decided to give "slugging" a try. Slugging allows commuters to ride the HOV lanes without having to organize their own personal carpooling crews. It's simple! Riders (Slugs) park at designated commuter lots and then stand in line to be picked up by drivers (Scrapers) on their way to wherever.

PROS
When I first began slugging, I preferred to "scrape" because I felt safer and more in control of my time. I even joked that I was like a john cruising down the red light district. Sometimes I would start singing, Donna Summer's, "Bad Girls" when I picked slugs up, but many were not amused by my insinuation that they were prostitutes. Even still, I would say, "Toot toot! HAAAA! Beep beep! to friendly riders. They usually got a kick out of that.

THE SWITCH
Although I was most definitely enjoying an easier commute and could leave the house at a decent hour (much later than before) Eventually, I began riding. I found that being a slug did not control my time as much as I thought it would, and the benefits of slugging far outweighed those in scraping. I saved money on gas, wear-and-tear on my car and I wasnt as tired at the end of the workday because I wasnt the one behind the wheel fighting traffic! Oh, and if you're in the market to buy a new car but unsure which one to go with, slugging can definitely help you make up your mind!

CONS
Forrest Gump proclaimed, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!" How true that holds for the life of an HOV slug. I've been in all types of vehicles with many different drivers. There are the ones who drive fast, those who drive too slow; radio listeners, non-radio listeners and then there are the drivers with political agendas. Oy Vey!

HOV ADVENTURES
The life of a slugger is an exciting one and oftentimes can be adventurous. Once I had a very smelly driver. I will never get into that black Mercedes again. And once I rode with a guy in a white Ford Explorer who wouldnt turn on the air conditioning during 90-degree weather!

Yesterday a fellow slug of mine and I got into different cars one behind the other. We (unbeknown to the drivers) had a race. My friend's driver passed us a few times, but in the end my driver was victorious and got me to the commuter lot first! We were texting updates the entire drive and criticizing the way our scrapers drove. And before that, an older lady jumped the line! Boy were people upset! There is an etiquette to slugging and some people simply refuse to follow along.

All in all, I hope I never have to drive on the main road again. I don't miss the longer commute and sitting in traffic all day!

ShareThis

Make sure your Father (Figure) Matters this Year!

2010-06-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

A small reminder, Father's Day is this Sunday. And for those of you that are on the last minute crunch to find the perfect gift for the man that has everything, I wanted to assist you in your search. But first, a brief message...

There are so many of us that are without a father this year. Some of us have lost our father to death. Some of us know of our father, yet never had a relationship with him. Some of us never met our fathers at all. So in this instance, Father's Day can still be celebrated if you look closely at the men who made an impact in your life; your father figures. He could be your older brother that helped your mother take care of the house and you. He could be your uncle, the man that taught you how to talk to women, or how to be treated like one. He could be your mentor, the man at the Boys and Girls Club that made sure you knew what a quadratic equation was, or how to shoot a proper free-throw shot. Show your appreciation this year. Here are some gift ideas.

You can never go wrong with a watch that fits his style. Here is one of the many watches that are on Amazon for 70% off:

If you father is the old school type that enjoys a good magazine, by him a card and write inside that you paid for a yearly subscription his favorite mags like Maxim for $10:

Or maybe he needs a new computer to add to his Entertainment system. The Mac Mini is a perfect add, it's small in size with a lot of power. And best of all, it hooks up to his Flatscreen television:

You can click on any of these links and search across Amazon for a great gift. The best gift is something that he needs, yet isn't willing to buy for himself... us men are like that sometimes.

ShareThis

OHW Presents: "Smelly Meeting," by Voluptuous Enchantress

2010-06-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

Our department was 40 people large. Earlier in the day, we held a group lunch featuring Mexican food to celebrate some noxious occasion. The smarter of the bunch avoided the beans for obvious reasons, but a few partook.

Lo and behold, during our group meeting 2 hours later, we are in the executive conference room listening quietly to the Vice President of our department speak, when out of the blue, as in a badly written sitcom what do we hear?
Yeah. A fart. Oh, but this wasn't just an innocent poot that whispered out to be heard by a mere few, but a big, loud and WET nasty fart.

Sad thing about it is that everyone knew who did it because he turned just about as red as a stop sign. No one said anything, and the culprit didn't make any excuses, nor did he excuse himself. He simply put his head down like he was looking at his laptop wishing the stench and embarrassment away, I guess.

He was so embarrassed and all embarrassed for him. Well, except for me and a couple other admins -- we were plain disgusted. I opened a nearby window. I mean, it was refried beans the guy ate!

Everyone near him turned their chairs, noses pointing away from the offender, and the meeting continued on. When the meeting was adjourned Smelly Kelly was the first person to hightail his way out of the boardroom. Everyone else burst out laughing.

Haven't seen him since.

About the author: The Enchantress is a happy, healthy single Black female living in New York City. By profession an Executive Administrative Assistant to the Vice President of a major Pharmaceutical company, her interests include international travel, multi-cultural cooking and learning to becoming a professional chef. She loves Jazz music (Miles Davis is so slept on!!), Neo Soul, reading sappy love stories, horror movies (not gory....just scary), learning anything about Black History, mentoring young Black females about relationships and life and loving
family with all there is to give.

ShareThis

WE HAVE A WINNER

2010-06-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Our Winner is Voluptuous Enchantress!
Check back tomorrow for her winning essay. It had us rolling!

Miss VE has won a $50 giftcard from Restaurant.com where she can chow down at any restaurant in her area!

Check back for the Enchantress's bio and contest entry!

-The Gurus

ShareThis

Or Hardly Working Guest Blogger Spotlight: Show Us What You Got!

2010-06-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

We're Having a Contest!!!

The Gurus of ...OrHardlyWorking never have been fans of hard work, so they came up with the brilliant idea of letting you do our dirty work. What can we say? We'd prefer to hardly work. You knew that when you got here!

Here's the skinny:

1. In 500 words (300 minimum) tell us the funniest workplace story you can muster up.

2. It has to be an original story. (Although we like work as little as possible, you know we can't stand SKATERS so no plagiarizing!)

3. You can write about pretty much anything you want so long as it took place at your job. No foul language. We're not saints but we try to be kind of professional, so watch it.

4. Entries will be judged on clarity, grammar and of course on how hard we laugh! (Use spell check because we don't want to work any harder to get this thing knocked out!)

5. Deadline is Monday, June 14, so get cracking!

6. The writer of the winning entry will win a Dinner for Two on the Gurus' dime ($50)! No Joke! And the article will run on the OHW site for 3 business days.

7. Winner will be announced Friday, June 18.

8. Send your entry to OrHardlyWorking@Gmail.com today!

Good Luck!

Official Rules:

All entries received by ...OrHardlyWorking will become the property of ...OrHardlyWorking. Participants must be at least 18 years of age to participate. Value of prize is fifty US Dollars. Winners will be notified by email by Thursday, June 17, 2010. Open to everyone with a mailing address! Sorry, no APOs accepted!

ShareThis

...Or Hardly Working Tip of the Day: Working with The Office Grouch

2010-06-07T13:15:00.001-07:00

I think we've all run into this problem, as it's very common. There's always one to every office and unfortunately you may have to actually interact with this person more frequently than you'd like. In either case, I'm talking about the office grump --The "Oscar" of your cubicle block so to speak. How do you handle said party pooper whose always gushing negativity, telling you what he will or will not do, and complaining about every little thing? Below are two scenarios and a few tips to get you through your work day. Hope you find them helpful.

Mr. Grinch is late on an assignment and your boss tells you that you're responsible for collecting it:

1. Do Not Panic: Your first step is to send Mr. Meany an email as soon as you learn your mission. If he doesn't respond in a timely manner, unfortunately this means you will need to confront him. Don't be afraid. Grouches can sense fear and if he gets a whiff that you're even slightly nervous, you've lost the battle before you even pic up a weapon.

2. Approach with Moxy: Confidently approach the grump and firmly state your business.

3. Control the Convo: Before he can fix his tight lips to rebut, tell him your manager has put you in charge of this project and that you need his input as soon as possible. In fact give him a deadline. Tell him you really wish you could be more flexible, but your hands are tied.

4. Get In and Get Out: After you've told him your business and set the deadline, leave posthaste! You don't want to be around for the complaints that are bound to begin pouring out of the grump's mouth. More importantly, this doesn't give the grump a chance to hunt for any weak points in your stance.

You have to work closely with the mean girl on a new project:

1. Make like a duck: In this instance you've gotta develop a tough skin thick enough to let crap roll off of you like water off a duck's back.

2. Never respond in kind: If she's always packing attitude, not being cooperative and shooting down your ideas, just let it go. Never react and mirror her negative attitude. It doesn't help anything and may get you into trouble. Try being as diplomatic as possible. Remind her of the deadline, which may help get the ball rolling.

3. Ask to work with someone else, or on a different assignment: Hey, sometimes it's impossible to work with grouchy people. Pull your manager aside and tell him what the deal is. Make sure you have facts to back up the reason you want to switch partners, or else you'll be stuck.

4. Get to know the Grinch: That's right you read it! Maybe the Grinch is a nice guy deep down. Try to find out more about him. Does he have a family? Does he enjoy his job? What are his hobbies? You'd be surprised at what you'll find out if you take the time to learn about your co-worker!

Hope these tips start you on the path to a better relationship with the resident office Negative Nancy. And if all else fails, make sure to keep your resume updated and active on those nifty job search sites! (but that's no guarantee of escape either) If you have any tips leave them in the comment box. We'd love to hear them.

-the gurus

ShareThis

Or Hardly Working: Cliquefest

2010-06-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

Cliques are becoming an annoying but growing trend in my office bldg. I hate the way grown men and women feel the need to form groups with the sole purpose of excluding others. The way it works here, is that people congregate by workgroup.
The most annoying of them are the customer service cronies. I didnt pay too much attention to them until they began gathering in the employee breakroom area during lunch.

Don't get me wrong. I dont mind people developing friendships in the workplace, but when they begin to make others uncomfortable, then I do have a problem.

Anyway, back to the workplace gathering:

There's only one room on the entire floor where you can get a snack or drink from a vending machine, sit down for a spell and use the microwave. The CS clique has decided to boguard the room for more than an hour every day. They take up all the seats at the table and make it really uncomfortable to stay in the room while my frozen lunch is heating in the microwave.

Why is it uncomfortable? Because every time I walk in, they pause their talking and then turn and stare at me as I take my food out of the freezer. Once I place it in the oven and walk out, they begin talking again. Its really weird and unsettling.

I thought I left highschool behavior behind, but I guess I was wrong.
ShareThis

TGWOOM: Thank Gooodness We're Off On Monday

2010-05-28T13:48:00.001-07:00

The gurus at OrHardlyWorking would like to wish you a safe and healthy Memorial Day weekend. Make sure you tell a veteran thank you for their service! And don't forget to eat some BBQ for us!

-the Gurus

ShareThis

...Or Hardly Working Rewind: Who ate my lunch?

2010-05-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

Just the other day was proof to me that karma does exist. Wow, well it was my lunch time and I was as hungry as a North Korean detainee. I was thinking about my frozen dinner something serious. The noodles, the juicy white chicken, the cheese sauce, mmmmm that Stouffers. I walked into the lounge with a huge smile on my face that was interrupted by a familiar smell in the air. It was a fresh smell from the microwave. My first thought was that someone bought the same frozen meal from home that I did. Well until I looked in the freezer and saw that my box, that had my name in permanent black marker, was gone from the place I left it. I moved everything around in the freezer and still didn't see it. Wow, I couldn't believe that I was possibly smelling my own meal in the air.

I looked in the garbage and saw a paper towel on top. I moved the paper towel and there it was... an empty box with my name on it. I'm not the type to become angry so quickly, but I was irate. How could someone steal my meal? It was a day before payday, so I didn't have the extra funds to replace it (well I did, but it was the principle). I walked back to my office area dejected, disappointed and distraught. I was waiting for someone to ask what was wrong with me. And once my supervisor asked, I went ballistic.

"How the **** could someone eat a lunch with my name on it," I screamed. "Who would do some **** like that? I smelled my lunch lingering in the air!"

I was on fire. I sent out an email to everybody on the floor. I wanted the world to know that someone stole my lunch. I just didn't think that I'd get 20 replies full of stories about other people having their items stolen. One person found their carton of milk full of water by the time they got to it. People were stopping by my office, telling me more stories, and vowing that they'd find the serial lunch snatcher.

About an hour later, I was standing in the lounge with a colleague when she saw a woman walk in and throw away a black microwavable bowl. She asked the woman what it was and the look on her face became suspicious. So I walked over to the trash can and saw the bowl with minor evidence of my meal in it.

"It was YOU," I said. "You ate my lunch didn't you?"

"No, I didn't eat your lunch," she said. "I found this bowl on the floor in the hallway so I picked it up and brought it in here."

"Really, on the floor," I asked. "Where on the floor was it? People were looking everywhere. You ate my lunch. And wait, is that alcohol I smell on your breath? Don't tell me you ate my lunch so you could buy a few drinks at the bar."

"I didn't eat your lunch," she said with a cracked voice. She walked away while I stood there shaking my head. Damn, my colleagues won't believe this when I tell them, I thought. Do you?

Things to do while stuck in traffic

2010-05-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

If you live in an area where traffic is the bane of society, like I do, you can appreciate this list of things to do while stuck in traffic. Please add any ideas you may have in the comment section. The OHW gurus would love to read them.

1. Try to figure out what people's personalized plates mean
2. Take pictures of yourself using your cell phone camera and upload them to FaceBook
3. (since you're using your phone) take pictures of cars you like/dislike
4. Since you're bumper to bumper, roll down your windows and blast your music while singing loud as hell right along with it. (Hey, you're annoyed, why not annoy others?)
5. Do a Chinese Fire Drill
6. Roll down your window and ask the person in the next car whether they have any Grey Poupon
7. Organize your calendar/checkbook
8. Read your Kindle or something
9. Call your least favorite relative that you're obligated to talk to, but hate to, so you never do (now is a good a time as any)
10. Make a list of all the reasons why you commute every day

OHW Rewind: Not Again... who jammed the copier?!!

2010-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

“Boop, boop, boop,” goes the sound of the copier. I could hear its cries from 15 cubicle aisles away. I could also hear the culprit getting out of dodge before anyone noticed that they stuck a stapled packet of paper into the feed tray.

It has become a pet peeve of mine to see the copier left in the state of dysfunction. And out of 300 people on the floor, I always end up getting rid of the jam and walking away without a thank you. As a matter of fact, people would wait in line and ask me if I’m finished fixing it yet. Ungrateful S.O.B’s.

Well I decided to walk in the direction of the copier, once again. Once I got to the copier, I shifted into my Jack Bauer mode. It’s not enough that I fix the jam; I look for clues as to who may have jammed it as well. I took a look at the control panel and saw that every letter was lit. Damn, the mother load…

I opened up the front panel, pull down the side panels and got to twisting the knobs in the direction instructed. I found one piece of crinkled paper after another. There were six pieces of paper; four of them covered in inky evidence. I closed up the panels and the jam was still present. I checked the copier one more time. There weren’t any jams left, so I reset the copier and everything was cool.

It was a fairly easy procedure. Anybody could have fixed it. So whoever walked away didn’t want to get their hands dirty or be caught fixing a copier (thanks). I looked at the documents and saw the initials RM – Rebeka “Becky” McCormick, the office’s Angelina Jolie. Rebeka adopted three children abroad; she can’t seem to stop bragging about her children’s nanny or her pool boy Juan. She’s “happily married” and yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if Juan is cleaning out more than the pool-- everyday I might add.

With another mystery solved, I placed the crinkled paper in her inbox and walked back to my desk. And as soon as I sat down, “boop, boop, boop!” I’m not getting paid enough for this ****.

So what are some of your office pet peeves? Do you have any copier stories to tell?

OHW Rewind: Has your lunch ever embarrassed you?

2010-05-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Have you ever brought food to work or school that you could not bring yourself to eat in front of your co-workers or classmates? Maybe it was tuna and you didn't want to hear complaints about the smell. Or even peanut butter and jelly?
Today I brought Chicken in a Biskit crackers and chicken Vienna Sausages. I was only working half a day, and didn't need anything too heavy. So, when I saw the crackers and sausages in the pantry this morning, while deciding what to take to munch on, I snatched them up!
However, once I got to work, I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. Here I am making a very good salary, trying not to stand out as the only "colored" person in the office (that's another story!) and I find myself about to chow down on potted meat (in phallic form) and crackers! What does that say about me? Does it reveal my impoverished upbringing? I mean, what will people say? And the smell? well, you know what vienna sausages smell like, don't you? (They kind of smell like spam flavored hot dog water.)
Anyway, I blatantly placed the box of crackers on my desk. The sausages... Well, they're in my purse. I have them securely wedged between my wallet, and a bottle of water. I use a fork to dip down into my purse when nobody's looking, and quickly snatch up a yummy piece of pressed meat .

I bet my co-worker is wondering why I keep dipping down under my desk. And he's probably wondering about the smell...

The chronic nail clipper

2010-05-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

Even though it happens almost every day, I'm always surprised to hear that sound. Im always taken back because first of all, I think its disgusting and rude, and second, I don't think it should be done in the office, yet I hear it all the time. What am I talking about?

NAIL CLIPPING!

I absolutely HATE to hear someone clipping their nails in the office. One of my coworkers clips his nails nearly every day! I always think to myself, "How many nails does this man have? Is he clipping his toenails too?"

What's so difficult about going to the bathroom? I can't see the guy because he sits behind me, but I bet my last dollar that he isnt even clipping them over the trash can either! YUCK. I think what creeps me out so much is the visual. I simply think that is something that should happen at HOME, not at WORK around people. Ewwwww

Oh, before I forget-- Last week while I was downstairs in the little shoppette, guess what I discovered the lady at the register doing? CLIPPING HER NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They sell fresh sandwiches and stuff in that shoppette. I was appalled and I told the manager that that was nasty. He just shrugged.

Im grossing myself out, so Im going to end this post.

-Sha'ahn the Guru

New M.I.A. Video BORN FREE released today

2010-04-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Im not gonna say a word.....

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

My Manager Needs a Bell Collar

2010-04-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

Do you have a stealthy boss who always seems to walk up on you while you're in the midst of goofing off, or procrastinating? You could be working hard all day long, but the moment you pause to come up for air, here comes the boss. He glances at your screen just as you're typing in your latest Tweet. This looks super bad for you and makes all your hard work seem like the job is too easy.

We at OrHardlyWorking understand your pain. Here are a couple tips to help you avoid being found out by the 'man.' Hopefully you will get so good at this that you can good off all day and the boss won't be able to tell a thing!

1) Get a mirror. Place it on your cube wall or on your computer monitor to reflect the image coming from the direction of your boss's office.

2) Do not ever wear headphones. If you have a sneaky boss that's light on his feet, you'll never hear him coming. Wearing headphones greatly increases your risk of being found out.

3) Keep your hand on the mouse and know what tab belongs to which application. Sometimes we don't get much warning, so we have to be ready to react with the speed of a gazelle. If the boss rounds the corner on you, simply click on a tab that has work-related stuff on it and you'll be safe from speculation.

We've covered topics similar to this one in the past. If you need more pointers, click here.

Enjoy, and happy goofing off!

The Gurus

OHW Rewind -- Break Hustlers: Smokers

2010-04-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

photo via Anti-pimp

Look, I understand that you have an addiction. Me, I’m addicted to push-pins. Right now, I have a push-pin of Africa, including Madagascar on my cubicle wall. So yes, I understand addiction. However, my addiction doesn’t allow me anywhere between 2 – 4 extra breaks at my job.

I thought that I was hardly working until I peeped what our office smokers were getting away with. “I have to go smoke a bud,” they’d say. “I’m stressed out, I’ll be right back,” they’d say. No matter the excuse, they are briskly headed for the exits and no one could be the wiser.

Except for me, the non-smoker. It’s not like they Febreeze themselves before coming back. You can smell the nicotine from 10 cubicle aisles away, not to mention the hot breath they acquired while eating an onion bagel just 20 minutes before. I just don’t understand how these people can get away with extra breaks, yet would monitor me if I so happen to come back 10 minutes late from lunch.

I don’t have any tips to stop the ‘Break Hustlers’ from doing their business. I’ll just be damned if every day their smoke breaks equal up to an extra hour of free time and I am not getting mine. When I walk back into the office with lunch from Popeye’s and you know that it takes 20 minutes each way to get there, not including the time it takes to get my car out of the lot, you’ll then realize who the true guru of hardly working is… smoke that!

Farting in the Workplace Part Deux (finally)

2010-04-12T06:45:00.000-07:00

You knew it was coming. Some of you even made requests for more. Not sure why the first nine tips weren't enough, but to help our fellow cubicle family members out, the gurus have been slaving away (okay not really) researching more discreet ways for you to let that clam sauce you had last night pass through your system without disturbing your cube mate at the office. Here are three ADDITIONAL ways to keep the smell (and attention) away from you when you catch a case of the bubbles:

1. Use the copier as your cover. The copy machine is extremely noisy and will mask even the loudest farts. This is also another way to employ Rule Number One of the first installment we published back in July. Only thing with the copier cover is you have to make sure you time your farts with the rhythm of the printing, or you might be found out!

2. Clean your desk/ workspace with Lysol. Lysol is your friend. Lysol isn't only good for killing 99% of germs -- it's good for masking odors. Buy one of those mini bottles and keep it in your drawer. When you need to let one rip, bust out the dusting cloth and Lysol. It works quickly too, and no one will be able to tell you just pooted unless it's noisy.

3. Get some air. Canned air can be a life saver. To break up that funky gas, pump a few blasts of canned air near your fanny as soon as you break wind. That freezing cold air will annihilate those stinky gas molecules in an instant and cool you down too, if it was a hot one. Don't forget to take the little straw thing out before using it though, or else it wont blast enough air to cover you!

Hey, we all do it, and we all have to let it out. The doctor says keeping in gas is bad for you. So follow the guide (or refer back to the first one) and we guarantee that you will be able to cut the cheese all day without fear of being sniffed out. We know you'll thank us the next time you're driving to work and you let a nasty one go, knowing that it'll only get worse as the day goes on.

What should you do when your days are numbered?

2010-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've been working in the Administration field for quite some time now. You know, answering phones, filing, scheduling, typing, data entry, the whole sha'bang.

Well you would think my name was John Connor when I tell you that I could see the future. *war music here* I could see an office without me and my administrative staff. An office where every hard document will become digital; where all file cabinets will become a thing of the past; where professionals will have no choice but to answer their own freakin' phone.

Are you in the midst of or have previously assisted in making your work place more efficient, technologically advanced? Are you welcoming in the very software, which for some reason you feel will take your job in the near future? Has the Terminator come for your livelihood?

If all roads are clearing to a not so certain future for you, don't try to fake yourself out of it. Exhibit positivity. Prepare as if you knew the date of your Judgment Day. If you have time saved up, find fun ways of using it, slowly but surely. Save, Save, and save money some more. And if drawing from unemployment is a part of your future, pray to your higher power that you're not in a state which is swimming in debt. Yes, your contributions are owed to you. However, the extention of unemployment benefits beyond your contributions aren't guaranteed.

Whether you are in this boat or not, what I can guarantee is that someone you know, is in this boat. A small business can be run from an iPhone these days. Be prepared for the worst, in the best way possible. Maybe you could fight off our judgment day by going to school for another certification, degree, license, etc.

If you actually believe that the workforce in this country is getting any better, "Don't believe the hype!"

Can you repeat that?

2010-04-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever worked with someone who was hard of hearing, but didnt want to admit it? Well, I do and let me tell you, it bites! It's so hard not to say, "Sir, you know you have a hearing problem, right?" They try to act like they can hear just as well as everyone else.

We at OHW have worked hard to remain below the radar and come and go to the office without being detected. Those hard of hearing will ruin your anonymity and possibly your whole work day! How? Like this:

1. They force you to speak loud enough for others to hear you through the cube walls
2. They make you repeat yourself so now people are actually able to recognize your voice
3. You can't even have a conversation that isn't related to work because you have to talk so loud, your boss can definitely hear you now

It's so annoying to have to not only repeat myself, but to yell what Im trying to say to a person less than 15 feet away from me. I hate this....

It's 3:45pm on a Friday, LEAVE ME ALONE!

2010-03-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

I understand, you don't want to go home for the weekend because you'll have to spend it with the family you've built. This is why you are calling just before I am out the door with 15 minutes to go, with a conversation that is bound to last for 45 minutes!

Look, I want to go home, and I will go home when the clock allows it. I could care less if your kids have Karate practice or your spouse is sick with the flu, and you don't want to deal with it. You will not keep me from leaving my office when I am allowed!

Why are you calling or stopping by this late on a Friday anyway?You know that people are getting ready to leave the office. Why didn't you finish your project this morning? Oh yea, you were yammering your mouth this morning and now you want to bother me. Hardly!!!

Here is what you should do... Stop procrastinating and get your work done early. Leave me alone. I know that I am on the clock, but you're breaking an unspoken rule, "When Friday's time is winding, don't come arriving!"

The Multitasker

2010-03-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Stating on your resume or cover letter that you are able to multitask is usually a plus when employers are looking to hire someone. This statement means that you are not limited to doing just one thing at a time which in an employer’s mind means more productivity in less time. It can also mean that you can focus on one thing without being distracted by others. I don’t know about you but I can eat, instant message, email, scan, listen to music and conduct some research on the net all at the same time. It’s a gift, what can I say but that does not always equal multiple tasks actually getting completed at the same time. I can’t tell you how many times I have been typing away while on the phone and come to find out my ditsy behind has typed half of my conversation when I was suppose to be typing up a report. I once instant messaged a proposal to my mother by mistake.

At times a simple faux pas can be amusing while other times it can send you to the unemployment line. Not too many people would want to go from having a cushy office job to buffing floors for the buffing boss. Other drawbacks of multitasking are that you end up with a number of uncompleted projects because you never took to the time to actually finish one while working on a number of others. The trick is to figure out when it would be beneficial to you to multitask and when to focus on just one project at a time. You may not be able to complete five projects in one day but you will be able to give your boss at least two or three completed assignments that were done right the first time. Depending on the industry that you work in discrepancies are a not okay for any reason.

A study conducted at Stanford University suggests that workers who think they are multitaskers are in fact the complete opposite. Instead they are unable to prioritize and usually fall short of completing assignments in a timely manner. Not only are assignments not completed but they also lack focus and hand in sub par work.

The next time your boss hands you a number of projects that he or she wants completed yesterday, ask them which of the assignments take precedence and prioritize them accordingly. The realization that multitasking is not always possible will save you a lot of headaches as well as keep you from attempting to jump on one leg, rub your belly and pat your head while saying rubber baby bumpers simultaneously.

Harassment in the Workplace

2010-03-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

When workplace harassment is mentioned most automatically think about sexual harassment. It’s not always sexual and may not always have to do with the opposite sex. However, what about physical harassment? Whether it’s someone giving you a hard time without cause or someone that has a problem with you on a personal level it just might be harassment.

I was a temporary employee at a former job and while I had access to the building that I worked in, I was not given an ID badge. Temporary workers were not required to have ID badges at that location. One morning I was walking up to the building and a woman that I’ve seen in the building that I work in held the door open for me. Thinking this was a kind gesture I thanked her only to be questioned by her about my ID badge. I explained to her what floor I worked on and that I was a temp, which would explain why I didn’t have an ID and showed her my building access card. This obviously was not good enough for her because she continued to question me as if someone such as myself could possible work there.

At that point, I became annoyed as I was standing in the rain being questioned by someone on a power trip who was also blocking the entrance. I told her that I already explained where I worked as well as why I didn’t have an ID and walked passed her towards the elevator. She followed me into the elevator up to my floor. She even had the audacity to follow me into my office suite through the employee entrance after I specifically told her visitors are required to go through the front door. She ignored what I said and walked through in an attempt to find my manager. My manager wasn’t in but when I did explain the situation to her she was livid.

After all was said and done the woman tried to lie on me to save herself by accusing me of pushing her at the front door. When I brought it to her attention that there was a camera facing the front entrance she changed her story and said it happened in the elevator.

So what do you do when it becomes your word against someone else’s?

1. Document the incident.
2. Bring it to a manager or department head.
3. File a complaint.
4. Notify the other person’s manager or supervisor.

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

2010-03-12T05:03:00.001-08:00

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:

If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note : It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!'

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And Finally....

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now. This is sponsored by McDonalds.

What to do when a GOOD boss leaves

2010-03-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

We NEVER thought it would happen; it's just one of those rare occurrences in life, but now we know that it's possible.... One of the OWH gurus actually likes her boss!
I hope that statement doesnt cause any of you to stop following the OWH blog, but we pride ourselves on being honest, and well... the boss is cool, what can we say?

With that being said, let me tell you that this post is not about ass-kissing. We're just gonna give you a few tips about surviving when a good boss leaves.

1) Don't get all down in the mouth. There isnt anything wrong with letting your fave boss know he's cool, but don't overdo it. you'll look like a brown nose, and we HATE brown nosers.

2) Attend his farewell luncheon. We're not trying to be hypocrites. We know we've given tips on how to escape these typically boring events, but since you actually like the boss, you could at least do him the courtesy of showing up at his "going away".

3) Do not could-shoulder your new boss. He/she may actually be okay. (fingers crossed)

4) Do not start slacking more than usual. Its a new boss, not a substitute teacher. With that said, don't volunteer for more work. We hate work, and so do you, right?

5) Now that the old boss is gone, this is your opportunity to school the new boss in doing things the way YOU like. Since you've been around longer, the new boss will have to lean on you. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!

That's all for now! Check back later for more OHW...
Now that the fave boss is gone, we'll be back Hardly Working!

-The Gurus

Nobody's Home, so Go Back to Yours!

2010-02-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

You may have done this before and had no clue of it. In the workplace, there are multiple levels of associations going on. We at OHW used the “High School” metaphor a few times to show how people connect with one another at work. Your boss is the principal, while the receptionist that speaks to every person that enters the floor could be the Class President or the Varsity Cheerleading Captain (because he or she knows it all). Who are you in your office?

Well, have you ever wanted to talk to a particular person that wasn’t in their office at the moment you walked by, so not to waste a trip, you talked to the next person in the vicinity? If so, you just “second best’d” someone. You'll most likely yammer their ear off about subjects the person could care less about. And don’t think that this person doesn’t know that you are just trying to pass time until the person of your choice gets back. How do they know? You’re just busy talking to “second best” while continuously looking around for your quick escape.

Yea, you know the feeling. It’s similar to when a good friend of yours gets a significant other, then falls off the face of the earth on you; only to come back when the relationship is dead. This is how you just made “second best” feel. Yes, when you walked by that persons’ cube without acknowledging them, to see that your friend that sits next to this person isn’t at their desk, for you to suddenly acknowledge the person you just ignored, is too late of a strategy.

So if you don't want to be the black eye on morale in your workplace, say hello to everyone you make eye contact with and if the person you are looking for isn't there, go somewhere and sit down.

Guru Rant: Do the Handicapped Run the Halls too?

2010-01-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

I know I am treading on thin ice with this one but we at OHW push major envelopes... we just steer clear of the mailroom. Before I move any further with this rant, I don't have any issues or concerns with anyone that is handicapped. I never park in their spots, I let them go ahead of me in line and I hold the door for them. I just got an issue with the ones that use their setbacks to take advantage of others.

Exhibit A, I work on the same floor with a woman that uses a wheelchair. Let me tell you, the wheelchair isn't all that large; pretty compact actually. Yet she somehow decides that she wants to completely block off walkways while she talks to people. The person could be sitting in their cube and she won't roll inside it. She just has this expectation that if you see her talking, you should walk to another walkway if you want to get by.

One day, I was in a rush so I put on my coat and ran through the cubicle maze when out of nowhere I saw her and she was in my way, leaving no room to get around. I kept on down the walkway thinking she'd move and she looked at me. That's all, she looked at me and kept talking. So I turned around and walked off. I just felt some type of a way about it. I know that I should show her some courtesy because I don't have her setback, but where is my respect? Doesn't she owe me some walking room? What if my popcorn was about to burn? (Not that I leave popcorn popping in the lounge or anything.)

So later on that week, I ran into her again. This time, I wanted some common courtesy. First I said, "excuse me". She simply looked at me and kept talking. But this time, I jungle-gymed over her back two wheels and kept it moving. All this woman had to do was roll forward. I saw her moving before, and she didn't have any difficulty. I mean, she got to the office didn't she? And she sure as hell got to her friend's cube unassisted! Well let's just say that ever since I hurdled her chair that day, when she sees me, she moves.

I don't know if I am the only one that had this concern or if I am wrong for my actions. So please tell me if I was in the wrong.

Workplace Dilemmas

2010-01-19T05:23:00.000-08:00

So you did it, you have landed the job that you’ve always wanted. Alternatively, maybe you are just working to pay the bills and only care about being paid. Either way while you are coasting along you don’t for one minute think about having your morals questioned. In a perfect world, all you would have to worry about is just going to work, working and then going home with no drama in between.

Have you ever been pressured to do something unethical or thought of something yourself that is more than likely questionable? For some taking a few envelopes, a box of staples or a ream or two of paper is no big deal. How many of us have been guilty for pocketing a few pens every now and then? We feel that no one will notice and leave it at that. We don’t usually advance to casing supply closets. However, for the ones that are faced with more difficult decisions there are a few things you can ask yourself if you are unsure of which side of the law you want to stay on.

You should definitely ask yourself what the consequences are. If you decide to do something unethical, immoral, or illegal you might want to weigh the repercussions before you make any decisions.

If you have to ask yourself if it’s legal than it probably isn’t. When an idea seems shady from the beginning than nine times out of ten the outcome will not be favorable. Not to mention there is a good chance its bad if it could land you in jail.

The effect that it will have on how people will perceive you is also an important consideration to mull over before making any decisions. You might end up being the coworker that cannot be trusted and perhaps seen as disloyal. Either way giving in to the temptation of doing something that can be considered as unethical or not, is a decision that should not be made lightly.

And remember: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. (Couldn't help adding that in)

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T21:00:00.000-08:00

Aren't you excited? I mean, it's a new year full of hope and possibilities! Or maybe, just maybe, it's time to use time...

If you are anything like my coworkers, by the time Christmas came around, you didn't have any Vacation time to use for a paid day off. But now... Now that it is 2010, your Vacation and Sick days have been replenished!

Here is a little advice from the OHW Five Star Guru. Now that you have time to use, don't burn a hole in it. I can understand if you have young children and you might run through your time taking care of them when sick. But to take a day off because the weather is bad, not severe? Hardly! Under these circumstances you go to work and relax; I call it an In-House Vacation day. Also, DO NOT take a day off because the weather changed and the first hot day of the season is upon you. This is work, not Middle School. And c'mon, calling out of work because you don't want to get out of bed is a definite time guzzler. Place your alarm across the room so you have to get up to turn it off.

If you follow these simple tips, you just might have enough time saved to take off on Christmas Eve or something. Get like me, and you'd have a two week vacation awaiting you this year.

From all of us at Or Hardly Working, Happy New Year and stay tuned!

Office Daycare

2009-12-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

First off, let me just say that I love the kids. Now that that is settled, I would like to know when the office transformed into a daycare? I’m not talking about the cute little babies or toddlers coming for a visit. I love those visits besides that’s a guaranteed 20 minutes of bs-ing around the office. What I am talking about are the children that come every day after school. I remember visiting my mother at work but it didn’t happen too often and I never stayed. It just so happened my school chose her company as the company to visit on career day.

I understand that some parents may not be able to afford after school programs for their children but I don’t think an office is a suitable alternative. If you are going to be in an office, you should be working and being paid for it, if I have to work so does everyone else.
Some companies are more relaxed and might have a more kid friendly environment than others but the overall idea of children in the workplace doesn’t work. It’s an unwritten rule in most companies. Although work is like high school and coworkers act like children at times, it is no place for actual children.

Happy Holidays from all of us at OHW!

2009-12-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

To those of you at work today,
And the lucky ones that are home,
Christmas is a day of togetherness,
And thanks to you, we are not alone.
We started this blog six months ago,
Full of spirit and high hopes,
We ranted about brown nosed coworkers, stolen parking spaces and you took notes.
Noses were picked, gas was passed, copiers broken down,
Sex was had in the parking lot,
And his salary immediately went down.
We thank you for your support,
Or Hardly Working has taken flight,
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all may your workload be light!

How to Resolve an Office Conflict

2009-12-20T05:22:00.000-08:00

Here at OrHardlyWorking we have discussed all types of annoying coworkers, including the brown nosers, the Tammy talk-a-lots, the office sticky fingers and the nose-picking bosses. Some coworkers can be innocently annoying while others are coworkers of another breed. A breed of employee that disrupts a department’s flow of harmony and its minimal discord. He could be the type that is always argumentative and easily riled up. On the other hand, she could be the type that causes trouble on the low, pretends to be nice, but is really pain in the behind.

It’s easy to say just ignore it and it will work itself out. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes it is not. You can’t always just let or wait for something to work itself out because it may be something that cannot be easily resolved. Before things are said that aren’t worth repeating or actions being taken that shouldn’t even be considered plausible are being taken you should stop and think.

Open the lines of communication between you and that person. Talking will enable both parties to effectively communicate their feelings on the situation. Perhaps it is as simple as a misunderstanding.

If you and that person cannot come to an understanding, requesting the help of a third party might be another option. Having an unbiased third party hear both sides of the disagreement might prove to be helpful.

A conflict between coworkers may not always be work-related. Some conflicts are personal and it is important to determine whether the conflict is business or personal.
If it is personal, it may be sexually, or racially and ethnically motivated.

When it becomes apparent that you will not reach an understanding, involving a supervisor might help resolve the conflict. Well, that's our advice.

We would like to hear what you have to say. What steps did you take to resolve your workplace conflicts?

Guru Physical: relief for your pain in the neck (literally)

2009-12-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

If you are like me, you harbor the resentment of having to work a 9-5 in your neck and shoulders, which causes pain and discomfort. Sometimes I feel cramps in my neck and my shoulder. NO matter what I do, no matter which way I position my chair or mouse, my neck hurts!

I did some Internet research and found a few "exercise at your desk" moves that actually relieve my neck and shoulder pain for a while. Hope they help you too:

1) Deep breathing

Anxiety alters our natural breathing pattern. I know every time "shufflefoot," my nosy co-worker approaches, my heart beats a little faster. I calm myself by inhaling as deeply as I can then hold that breath for as long as is comfortable. Next, I exhale slowly until my diaphragm is completely emptied. If you breathe in this mindful manner, focusing on nothing but your breathing and how good it feels to relax, for several minutes, you’ll be amazed at how much more relaxed you’ll feel after even just a few minutes.

2)Play a game

There are stress-relieving video games available for download to your phone (Blackberry or iPhone included). Do a Google search and see what you come up with. If all else fails, play Solitaire on your desktop during lunch. It really does help.

3) Stretch

I know you can't do an all out head-to-toes stretch in your cubicle, or in the middle of your office common area (well you can as long as you don't mind people staring), but there are some discreet stretches that can be done right in your office chair!

Neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, wrist and ankle rotations, and calf flexing are just a few examples of places that can be loosened without bringing too much attention to yourself. Try tensing and releasing each muscle group independently, working through your entire body. It really works!

4) Get the hell out of your chair

By simply walking, you’ll get those endorphins flowing and will release tension. Its easy to fit it in. Try using the bathroom farthest from your cube, or taking the stairs when you go to lunch. If the weather's nice, take a 10-minute stroll around outside. It's good to get some fresh air and look at it this way, that's 10 minutes away from your nose-picking boss and slacker cube-mate!

5) Touch yourself

Use the power of touch to melt that tension away. How? With the tips of your fingers.

Place the tips of your middle and forefingers at your temples, and massage in small circles with firm pressure. This also works on the hinges of your jaw. You would be surprised at how much tension is held in the jaw. It feels good to loosen those muscles up too. You can open your mouth really wide (as if you're yawning) for good measure. Do that while you massage, and you are guaranteed to feel better! We promise.

That's all for now. Hope this helps until you hit the lottery, curse out everyone that has ever done you wrong at the job and finally take that cruise around the world! It's a fantasy but we believe that one day you'll get out of the godforsaken office you have to schlep to daily. Oh yes, we can see it now, the sandy beaches, crystal blue waters.... well, you get the drift.

If you want more details about relieving stress at work, look it up! I'm trying my best NOT to work that hard...

-the Guru

OHW Rewind: How to NOT stand out at work

2009-12-10T05:50:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, you're not a "go-getter"... You aren't trying to be and you could care less whether your boss notices you or not. If anything, you are trying to avoid attention. If the boss remembers who you are, he may begin expecting work from you!
You’d rather remain anonymous in the company and collect your check.
We, the Gurus at …OrHardlyWorking understand. That’s why we have put together a short list of ways to go unnoticed at work.
It’s the least we could do for you since you took a chance and pulled up this blog to read at work.

TOP FIVE WAYS TO HAVE YOUR BOSS OVERLOOK YOU

1. Wear clothes that blend in with the carpet and cube you work in. That way you can camouflage and blend into your surroundings. Your boss is sure not to ask you for anything, since she can’t see you.

2. Be Silent. Talking to people draws too much attention.

3. Arrive early and leave early. If you get to work before everyone and leave before everyone, you’re never caught in the crowd on the elevator or in the parking lot. People won’t remember who you are and we’re sure they could never point you out in a crowd even if their lives depended on it.

4. Wear headphones in your ears, even if you aren’t listening to anything. Doing so will ensure that people won’t bother to speak to you. (This is especially useful if you are forced to attend meetings, and have to walk to the conference room with your coworkers. When the meeting begins, simply take them off. When the meeting ends, put those puppies back on!)

5. Never participate in the office Happy Hour or other team-building crap. All it does is make you stand out and allow people to put a name to a face, which you are trying to avoid.

Hope this helps. We will post more tips for remaining anonymous in the office in future postings. In the meantime, look to the right, click the Tetris icon, and have fun Hardly Working….

Guru Rant: Really? Our Christmas Tree is ugly?

2009-12-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so we have this tradition in our office of putting up the artificial Christmas Tree with all the trimmings. This isn't a mandatory deal for everybody, more of a show of unity between a bunch of broke people that can't afford to do a $25 Polly-Anna, or however that's spelled.

Well, one of our floor inhabitants decided that she was the Simon Cowell of Christmas Trees, yesterday. Mind you, I wasn't in the office yesterday because I am hardly working these days. But do you know that this woman that clearly doesn't have a life at home and Tiger probably would've cheated on if she was 25 years younger, had the nerve to come to our area and say that our tree looked like she did? Well she didn't say that exactly. She just said that our tree was ugly.

Are you kidding me? Is this what she calls being in the Christmas Spirit; critiquing an office tree?

Look, I beg of you, to be on the lookout for 'Lifers'. These are the people that obviously aren't getting any attention at home. Their lives revolve around their jobs and they wonder why their life at home revolves around going back to work. I just want to let you know that 'lifers' don't have sex either. If they did, they sure wouldn't be telling people that their Christmas tree is ugly.

So in closing, if you are in a marriage or a long running relationship that is failing you on a sexual level, you better work that out and fast. Because you just might be walking around the office, telling people that their tree is ugly, so to speak, and don't even know it.

Hate to be Back... but I can Dream of an Alternate Reality

2009-11-30T10:21:00.000-08:00

Isn't one of the worst feelings in the world the one of dread you feel Sunday night before retuning to work after a holiday? I know it is for me. I hate it!

Part of me is definitely thankful that I have a means to make ends meet and whatnot, but most of me longs to be free of the ball and chain that is my cubicle and desk.

Oh how I envy those who own profitable online businesses and blogs. How nice would it be to not even have to get out of bed Mon-Fri? I can picture it now... I simply roll over, pluck my Mac notebook off my nightstand and log on to work. (I'd have a coffee maker in my bedroom of course and a little fridge for a quick breakfast) Around 1130 I would get a bite for lunch, have a quick workout, and then around 1 pm I would log back on to tie up whatever loose ends need to be tied.

No cubes, no pesky shuffling co-workers trying to shift their work on me, no annoying potlucks to attend, no dumb networking events with phony ass-kissers trying to steal your job, no boss to take orders from.... Yeah, that's the life I dream of.

Oh well, probably wont happen. Why? Because I realize that a life like that actually takes more work to become a success than it does working for Big Business and sit here at the office Hardly Working... But still, I can fantasize.

What do you dream of while you're Hardly Working on the "Man's" dime?

-the gurus

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2009-11-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hope you didnt get forced into eating disgusting food from your nose-picking boss during a mandatory office potluck...

-the gurus

Guru Rant: Stuck Up Strangers

2009-11-19T05:38:00.000-08:00

photo courtesy of unfocusedmike

Okay OHW readers, I have a dilemma I need help with. Before I ask the question, let me lay out the goings on of this morning for you.

I arrive to work early, and park. Just as I am about to get out of the car, another car pulls in. She saw me when I first pulled in, yet she did not wait for me to get out before she slid in next to me. Instead, I had to wait for her to park her car before I could open my door and get out of mine!

Anyway, she gets out and walks by without saying anything, which was fine with me, because Im not a morning person. Don't care for early AM conversations. I thought she might at least say hello, or good morning though, just because we were getting out of our cars at the same time, right next to each other...She's about three-five steps ahead of me, and reaches our office building door. She buzzes in and does not hold the door open for me.

Im thinking, "Wow! This woman knows Im right behind her." So, we are standing waiting for the elevator, and the doors nearest me open first, so I get in first. I press my floor and she says, "Two please." I hesitate to press "2" because Im thinking, "I know this woman is not ordering me like Im the elevator operator!!!"

But I go ahead and hit her floor. As she's getting off, she says, "Have a nice day."

I'm too dumbfounded and PISSED to say anything back. Dumbfounded because her greeting surprised the hell out of me, and pissed because she didn't ask me to press the button, she commanded me to do so. As I mentioned, I didnt respond.

She gets off the elevator, turns around and mumbles something. I think it was, "Bye".

Question for you: Was I wrong to offer this chick the cold shoulder and not wish her a good morning in return?

Guru Rant: All out of (Pot)Luck

2009-11-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

Maybe I am not a team player. Maybe I choose to dance to the beat of my own drum in a hectic work environment. Maybe I am blogging you this message during a mediocre PowerPoint presentation. Whatever the case might be with me, I do know one thing for sure, "I will not be participating in the office Potluck in honor of Thanksgiving!"

I can understand the "family" message that our floor committee is trying to convey. (Since we work with each other more than we see the people who actually matter.) But these people are not "real family." I resent the way they want everybody inthe office "family" to bring in a dish, eat together and talk together.

This guru is totally against that for these reasons:

1: If I have never been in your kitchen at home, I will NOT eat your goods. The last thing I need to eat is dog hair potato salad with snotty child spinach dip.

2: If I don't like you, I will NOT eat your goods. So if you somehow dumped your work on me and took credit for it, we are NOT cool and I will not eat your "I've last cleaned my oven about 10 years ago" Macaroni and Cheese.

Last but certainly not least, flu season and the Holiday season goes hand-in-hand. And speaking of hands, how often do you wash yours? I've stood in the bathroom and witnessed coworkers going from the seat, directly out the door without one ounce of water hitting their crappy hands! (Pun could be intended depending on your mood). So sorry, I will NOT eat your H1N1-chip cookies.

Remember, OHW family, you are playing Russian Roulette by attending the stupid office Potluck with your coworkers. So proceed with extreme caution.

I have to get back to work... Hardly!!!

Morning Alter-Egos

2009-11-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

Contributed by NikCee

You’re either one or the other.

You’re either one of those happy-go-lucky morning people that sing their hellos and skip as they walk. Or you’re one of those that would prefer giving a hip-hop inspired head nod to those you come in contact with. I’m the latter. I don’t mean to be that evil bitch first thing in the morning, but I am. I mean…after double digits, I’m fine. I’m awake, I’m ready to hear my desk phone ring and not curse it, I’m ready to answer questions, I’m ready to tackle random, meaningless small talk.

Before then? Forget about it.

They say it takes caffeine 30 minutes to begin working in your system. On my way in to work—note: I drive to work alone; I do not carpool, so it’s just the radio and me. I have my travel mug of coffee and the occasional snack. Once I arrive, I’m still enjoying my alone time, so if I’m pulling in with someone else, I do what I call the “fake search”. In order to let that person get out of their car and get to the garage elevator, I pretend to search for something in my purse or in the backseat. OR I pretend that I have to make a phone call.

I’d much rather not even ride the elevators with people in the morning because you have to participate in that obligatory morning small talk. Don't even dare not give paragraph-worthy answers, because then it’s perceived that something’s wrong. NO! Nothing’s wrong—I just don’t WANT to TALK this early in the morning. I smile, nod and give short answers, if possible. Then I usually have to explain that I’m not a morning person. That of course, opens up a whole new can of worms. Then, they have to bring up some random person in their life that also doesn’t “do mornings”. All the while, you’re looking at this person like, “do you realize you’re STILL talking?” It just generates even MORE conversation. Pass.

Once I manage to make it inside the building and to my desk—throwing head nods all the way, ducking & dodging that loud morning person I might run into, I have a right to want to get in and get settled, right? I like to take off my coat, put my purse down, log into my computer, check emails (work & non-work), check blogs, etc. I don’t want anybody addressing me with work-related matters with my purse still in hand or coat still on my back. If I’m in nice and early, I tiptoe into my cube to avoid having that awkward morning mash-up with the early bird of the office. It’s all fine & dandy until she has to make a fax, then she’s up in my territory and can hear me clicking away on my keyboard. And so it begins.

To avoid this, I've tried to gauge which time I should arrive to work. If I try coming extra early, I find that I get a good head start on the day, get into a good groove of things, ALONE, but then when everyone gets in, the whole “good morning” charade interrupts my productivity (or lack thereof). If I come in a little later, I arrive WITH them and my morning gets off to a slow start. Do I roll with the old adage, “if you can’t beat em, join em”? Nope! I let them do their thing and STFU in my cubicle until about 11 am.

Some office people can’t deal with silence or just the sound of keyboards. They have to talk, whether it’s to their computer or equipment or if it’s something random and irrelevant that they say to you over the cubicle wall (Thank goodness I don’t work in one of those cubicle-less offices—I DO need my privacy and would rather not look at some of these people). I won’t even get started on LOUD co-workers. Or the ones that enter the office loudly exclaiming, “It’s so quiet in here!” That’s a whole ‘nother blog entry.

It’s all smiles & giggles at 4 or 5 pm, when it’s quittin' time for me. Ironically, that’s when those annoying morning people are quietly dragging. It’s a complete role reversal. It’s pretty funny, too. My energy completely picks up. The nap I was daydreaming about doesn’t even matter anymore. Oh well, at least I have that short amount of time to NOT deal with office melodramas and get myself together…just do it all over again the next day.

Good Morning! (NOT)

Guru Rant: The Whisperers

2009-10-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Look, let's get one thing clear... I could care less about any statement that could come out of your pie-hole. I have more important things not to do. But if you continue to whisper when I walk down the aisle or come back to my cubicle, I will start to think that you are talking about me.

Nope, I will not think that you are talking about something that you don't want anybody else to know. I will think that you are talking about me. Why? Because this place doesn't matter at all to me. Do you see any pictures of my family on my desk? Nope, and there's a very good reason for that. I don't have any pictures of my coworkers on my fireplace.

Oh, and if you are going to whisper, please, just shut up. Because you obviously can't do your job right, and now, you can't whisper properly? Stop gossiping! That's some High School nonsence that a fellow Guru just touched on. Damn Whisperers...

Guru Rant: Ummm, NO! I do Not have an extra Tampon

2009-10-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really wonder about people's upbringing; hometraining so to speak. I mean when did it become okay to ask me for a sanitary napkin or tampon? I don't know you like that! This girl who sits a few cubes away from me had the audacity to ask EVERY female on our floor for a pad!

I understand if she asks her work buddies, but not complete strangers. It looks bad. Im thinking, okay maybe she doesnt have a few bucks to run to 7-11. The firm no longer stocks the little vending machine in the Ladie's Room, but they haven't done that in years anyway, so that's no excuse for old girl. She is just unprepared, and letting everybody know about it.
And the visual, puhlease!!!
This morning she had the nerve to complain about being rundown in the parking lot by a woman waving a package of tampons in her face. She said the woman was shouting, "I have these for you, so you don't get caught out there like you did yesterday!" She said she was so embarrassed. I looked at her in disbelief. How can this incident embarrass you, but running around to everyone's desk yesterday didnt bother you one bit?
Backwards people make me angry.

My boss is a nose picker

2009-10-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

Im sitting in a meeting with my boss and things start off innocently enough with a light scratch to the nose. Then as the meeting progresses, so does my boss's finger -- right up his nose!

It doesnt stop there. Next thing you know, he's pinching something and rolling whatever he got in his grasp between his thumb and forefinger.

GROSS

What do I do when I see him do this? He does it all the time. In the office, on the shuttle, at my desk... the madness never ends. Im so tempted to give him a tissue.

One thing for sure, I will NEVER EVER shake his hand. Or accept food from him.

Guru Rant: Work is no different than high school

2009-10-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

For all college grads who have just landed your first "real" job, don't think that you have actually stepped into a world without the petty bullshit of high school.

If anything, high school is the perfect time to come to understand people and the way of the world.

Think about it, if people are still running in "cliques," starting rumors and spreading gossip about others, treating school like a fashion show, and engaging in downright heinous love triangles that rival those of the trashiest novellas at the ages of 14-18, how much more will they have changed 5-7 years later?

The Gurus hate to rain on anyone's parade, but we are here to let you know the real deal about life in Corporate America. There's just as much backbiting, kissing ass, swapping sex partners, and forming alliances that occurs in high school. Only difference is now you actually get paid while living/witnessing the drama.

Our advice, open your own business!!!

Sorry to burst your bubbles...

-the Gurus

Elevator Etiquette

2009-10-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Every day, every single day, I am humbled by the use of the elevator. I am quite thrilled by the snug, personal ride with total strangers that have their early morning and late day quirks that make my daily rides up and down worthwhile. (Peep the sarcasm going on, it’s melodic.)

Do you want to know what burns me up? Crammers! These are the people that believe there is enough room for them to squeeze into the small metal box. To them, one foot of space is golden and the discomfort is only temporary. To me, I am twisting and climbing over people to get out and wait for the next elevator. No, I am not claustrophobic. I am more Billyphobic and choose not to have anybody’s hind parts or fore parts forced upon me. And what if I am holding a bag full of steaming hot breakfast, just dangling at stranger-cheek level? Need I say more?

You can dodge crammers by keeping a tab on these metal box offenders. Crammers don’t just up and change their ways. They will cram every chance they get. And if not them, there might be a co-crammer on the elevator, ready and willing to say, “C’mon, there’s enough room, we can make room for you.” Damn co-crammer, you are NOT the captain of the elevator.

My suggestion is while waiting for an elevator, take a look at the pack of people walking towards you. Make a choice on which pack you’d like to spend the next few minutes with. If you are claustrophobic, I suggest you stand closest to the door as others climb on. This way, you have the freedom to get off the elevator when capacity is reached.

I beseech you, do not stand next to the floor grid during a cram job. You already don’t want to be at work in the first place. Imagine how you’ll feel when every person that walks onto the elevator “politely” asks you to press their floor number. Only Guru’s back away from the floor grid and give the person requesting their floor number to be pushed, a look that says, “Hardly!”

Guru Rant: I am not the guru

2009-10-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Has this ever happened to you:

You volunteer for a special project at work that is not really in your field of expertise per se, but you have some knowledge of what they need in that area. Let's say it's something like, taking pictures at a conference. Your wonderful boss decides to have you not only take photos of events for your firm, but tells a rep from another agency that you wouldnt mind sharing the pictures with them in addition to getting a few more shots that they requested.

Going in you know its going to get bad. And it does.

After the conference, you take the time out of your busy schedule and burn the photos to a CD. You even categorize them and place them in separate folders because you want to represent your firm in the most positive light.

Next thing you know, the point of contact at the other firm is asking you all types of questions. He wants to know if you can print out a contact sheet, make prints of select photos, and even has the nerve to ask you to burn him another CD for his co-worker!!!

To top it off, now that he "knows" you, you have become the one and only contact about photography in the office, even though you've explained over and over that you are not a photographer. He starts dropping by your desk asking for little favors, asking you questions to which you have no idea how to answer, and he refuses to go to anyone else.

You have become the GURU. What do you do?

The New Boss

2009-10-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

How many times have you wished your boss would just disappear? Perhaps go on a long vacation or get lost on the way to work never to be seen again? We have all been there a time or two. So what happens when your wish comes true and there is a new person that you have to report to? Supervisors usually have the ability to make or break your career and getting off on the right foot with a new boss is crucial. Making a good impression is much more than bringing an apple to work with you or ensuring that the boss has extra croutons in her salad. Here are a few tips to help with the transition of dealing with a new supervisor.

Patience
You were once the new person on the job also. Remember it took a while for you to become acclimated to your position as well as get a feel for your place within the company, and the same can be said for your supervisor.

Keep An Open Mind
Flexibility is necessary when dealing with new coworkers and a new boss. He or she may be used to running an office differently than what you are used to. Try not to write them off too quickly if ideas begin to conflict. Be open to change.

Establish Expectations
Sit down and talk to your boss about what they expect of you. Make sure that there are no misunderstandings in regards to your job functions.

Be Supportive
Remember that your supervisor’s success is your success. Offer your insight when it comes to certain areas where you excel. Be your supervisor’s go-to-person.

Break Down Your Defenses
Do not get into a power struggle with you new boss. Not all constructive criticism is constructive; it can sometimes be misconstrued as destructive.

Dealing with a new boss is just like any new relationship, trust and honesty is critical to building a healthy new working relationship. You must realize that the way things worked in the past will not always work going forward and change is very necessary. Learning to roll with the punches will aid in helping this new transition run smoothly.

The Gurus at OrHardlyWorking would like to hear your stories. Please share any tips or stories in the comment section, or send an email to: orhardlyworking@gmail.com

Workplace Embarrassments

2009-10-12T19:13:00.001-07:00

Not every office mimics the rowdy antics of shows like The Office or the Drew Carey Show but some may get close. Not to mention sometimes the office chatter and gossip helps get us through those long drawn out days.

Admit it, we do like to hear gossip, but wouldnt it be be extremely embarrassing to find out we were the subject of said scuttlebutt? No one wants to be known as “Dragon Breath” or “Smelly Kelly” (yes, some adults do christen their coworkers with such juvenile names. )

So what do you do when you are on the receiving end of the pointing and laughing? Should you shrug it off or try to laugh it off? Well I say it depends on the situation. Here is a list of some of the most embarrassing office blunders including the ones I feel can be apologized for or laughed off:

A visitor in your nose
Apologize

Bad breath
Laugh it off and pop an Altoid

Body odor
Apologize, head straight to the rest room to try and scrub your embarrassment away

Stained clothing
Laugh it off, and then wipe it off

Dress stuck in your skirt/zipper down
Laugh, apologize, untuck, and zip up

Passing gas in front of a coworker
Apologize, apologize and apologize some more

Email faux pas
Depending on the severity of the faux laugh it off and apologize

Slip of the tongue
Definitely apologize

Sticking your foot in your mouth
Apologize and try not to say anything else offensive for the rest of the year

Belching out loud
Apologize and pop an altoid

As usual, we would love to hear some of our readers embarrassing moments.

Drop us a line, we LOVE contributers. And We KNOW you have something to say...

-The Gurus

David Letterman: Or Hardly Working Hall-of-Infamous

2009-10-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we like to wait it out at OHW… we are opposed to running into burning buildings before having all the information at hand. So here we go. We’ve touched on Office Relationships before, you know, the pro’s and con’s of bouncing your boss off their cherry wood desk. Now lookey here; talk show host David Letterman admitted to engaging in office bouncing and played it oh’ so calm.

The media tried to stew up some potential backlash on the midday-taped late night star. Hardly… the next show doubled in ratings and part of his monologue joked about him raking hate mail from his home. As for the ‘Young Tenders’ he bounced, the sex was consensual. I mean, why wouldn’t it be in this case? The women were young, impressionable and looking for a little face time (no pun intended). One of his trysts actually made it on the show. I would guess that this fueled other grunts to make a move or get moved.

Letterman is not likely to receive any charges for these incidents. However, the young women at the center of this ratings boost will go through a career of people knowing what lengths they’d take to advance.

To all women, this message is for you. Women are an intricate force in the advancement of companies all over the world. But when you decide to become sexually active with a co-worker or boss, socially, your perception becomes that of a woman that has slept her way to the top; even if the man that you are sleeping with isn’t a direct part of your success. Some people would much rather believe that you laid down for your position, than earned it through hard work and sacrifice. Yes, this is a double standard, and there is nothing that any of us can do about it. So be careful…

-The GURUS

We at OrHardlyWorking...

2009-10-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

...would like to wish Co-Founder Sha'ahn Williams a Very Happy Birthday... now get back to work... Hardly!

Guru Rant: One of THOSE days

2009-10-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

submitted by Goose

Today is one of those days…
I know we have touched on the topic of “Skaters” in a past update but it has reached a new level so I think it deserves a new name.

Let’s just say I hate my job. Let me clarify. I love what I do, I love my boss and I love my one co-worker. But there is one person that makes me dread coming to my office. She makes me think about hitting that parked car on the side of the road in the morning. She makes me think twice about if it’s worth getting fired because I have caused her physical pain. It’s to the point that I don’t even consider her a woman… she is a snake. The way she talks, the way she moves, the way she acts… it all has a slither to it.

She is conniving. Let’s just say there is a file on her computer where she documents my every action, my every email and I wouldn’t be surprised if that file even documented my every conversation. And then she just waits. Sitting on this useless information until she is ready to attack and manipulate this information that she has stored and use it against me. I have seen it happen.

She is rude. She can slither around the office bouncing from one loud conversation to the next, disrupting everyone in her path or earshot. But the second you decide to let your hair down at the end of the day, on a Friday to discuss weekend plans with your next-door co-worker…she attacks by calling you rude and obnoxious. She coils back in shock that “she is the only one still on the clock and still has important work to do.” But earlier in the day she killed you slowly by talking just loud of enough to the woman across the room about why pepper jack is her favorite cheese.

She is lazy. She will not go one step above and beyond doing absolutely nothing! She finds a way to pass each of her tasks off to a helpless victim. But still claims that it was her task so she deserves full credit for the work. She will not learn a new skill. If she is unaware of how to use a tool on the computer or create a table on Word, she snatches up the closest person and offers her chair to them and asks them to perform the 5th grade-level task while she continues her cheese conversation with a new victim. While she does this, I am slapping her – in my head.

I am an outgoing person who can get along with a rock. But the only thoughts I have of this woman-ish creature, is getting a shovel, cutting her head off with the sharp edge and watching her squirm as she dies a slow, painful death. That is the only way to kill a snake, right?

What Not to Discuss at Work

2009-09-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

Many would like to think that the friends they make at work are true friends. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Have you ever told a coworker/friend about either a problem you had with your boss or something of a personal matter, then come to find out they told the entire office including your boss? The truth of the matter is this type of situation is more common than you might think. Needless to say this last US election assisted in showing the true colors of employees and employers alike which brings me to my first example of what not to discuss:

1. Politics

Political discussions in the workplace are a guaranteed rabble rouser. Whether you are discussing the election of the president, congress, senators or what person should head the yearly bake sale, political discussions are not a good idea.

2. Family Issues

The need to vent concerning family discord is understandable but you don’t want your family problems casting a dim light on you with regard to your coworkers. The fact that your nephew was arrested yet again is no one’s business but yours and your family's. They may assume that you will not be able to focus on your work. Whether you are an authoritative figure or a subordinate, any sign of weakness is not a good sign.

3. Religion

Religion has always been a sensitive subject. Just as some may tire of people knocking at their door at 7am on a Saturday morning others may not want to hear your views regarding your beliefs. Telling someone “they’ve got to believe in something, why not believe in me” is a sure way to turn a friend into a foe.

4. Health Issues

Unless it is a discussion with your boss about the time off that you may require, keep the problems with your health to yourself. Your bunions or corns are of no importance to anyone else.

5. Sex Life

There should be no explanation needed, not too mention some may misconstrue what you have to say as a form of sexual harassment. If you and your partner are swingers, we are happy for you, but keep it to yourself. (Unless your shagging the boss. In that case, please share the juicy details!!!)

6. Offensive Jokes and Off-Color Remarks

You may not agree with someone’s sexual preference or you may have a problem with their ethnicity. You have every right to your opinion but this example goes right up there with religion and is a topic you should keep to yourself. Even though you think some may share your views, you could be wrong and certain comments may cost you your job.

7. Salary or Career Aspirations

Discussing salary may or may not be a violation of company policy. Either way, no one needs to know the how many zeroes are after the comma on your paycheck. Discussing your career aspirations is also not a good idea. Some may tend to question your loyalty if you divulge certain information such as advancement or being unsatisfied in your current position. If you want to talk career advancement with your boss make sure they know you mean advancement within the company.

There are certainly more topics that are considered taboo. The Gurus at Orhardlyworing would like to know what you think. Feel free to add to the list in the comment section.

The Unhelpful Help Desk

2009-09-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

Help desk technicians aren’t always as helpful as they are supposed to be. So before we chastise all help desk technicians and start using their pictures as target practice let’s discuss some reasons why they may not be as helpful as we would like them to be.

Technicians have a laundry list of policies and procedures that they have to abide by and in certain situations some of them make it difficult to administer the help that is needed. There are limitations on call length; issues with support levels whereas certain issues are not supported by the technicians also known as the SOL clause and the first come first serve support ticket policy. Now with all that said, we do feel for the technicians but let’s face it that is their job and yes even dealing with a rude customer is apart of their job also.

There are some instances that will make a person looking for support sit and wonder how the technician ever graduated let alone why they were even considered for the job in the first place. For all of the time technicians spend asking questions, putting you on hold and transferring you makes you feel as though you could have solved the problem yourself. Now sometimes we understand there may not always be an easy answer but there is no need for technicians to catch attitudes with the person they are trying to help as if it’s their fault the technician can not figure it out or that fact that they can’t understand nor speak correct English.

Outsourcing a company’s help desk sometimes does more harm than good. Yes in most cases the bottom line is saving money but when you outsource to other countries where the technicians can barely speak the language of the person they are trying to help more problems tend to arise. How many times have you called for support and after calling the automated service every name in the book you finally get transferred to a live person and find out that they are based in India? Makes you want to holler while throwing up both hands doesn’t it?Sadly we have not seen the end of the unhelpful help desk.

With the recession still acting as a giant cloud blocking our sunshine companies will continue to tighten their belts. That could mean more outsourcing and even more headaches for those of us on the other end of the line.

Parking Wars: showdown at the hospital

2009-09-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

After traveling in morning rush-hour traffic, I'm already worn out by the time I get to work. To make matters worse, I almost always have to search for parking because at the job, good spots are scarce. And of course the interim supervisor watches the clock so it’s important to get a spot that is close to the door, so it doesn't take me forever to walk up to my building. What puts the icing on the cake is the fact that my hypocrite boss never follows his own rules and is always the first one to cheat the system. (FYI: he's a “dictator” with short-man syndrome)

Now that you have the background on how my mornings usually begin before I even step foot in my dreadful office, let me tell you about one particular morning:

Returning to work after having knee surgery, I decided to get an early start because my commute can take anywhere from 40 minutes to two hours. I followed my normal routine that I had before surgery, but on this particular foggy morning, my daughter was moving extremely slow. We finally get out the door 10 minutes later than I wanted to. (You know how crucial 10 minutes can be for commuting) As I suspected, I missed my window of opportunity. When I hit the interstate, it was a parking lot. Washington D.C.’s rush-hour traffic is now No. 2 behind Los Angeles for the worst traffic cities.

An hour and 15 minutes later, I finally turned my last turn into the job's parking garage. I was excited because I had 10 minutes to spare before my shift began. Usually I’m lucky, and with a little prayer I always find a lone space just perfect for my small vehicle. But today, there were none is sight. I drove up and down the garage three times before going to the closest “overflow” parking lot. There was nothing there. Eventually, I saw a couple of people walking into the parking lot. I asked one lady where she was parked and she told me. I proceeded to the area where she said she was parked. As I turned the corner, I could see her approaching her car. “Good! I got a spot,” I thought to myself. As she started to pull out, someone pulled in from the opposite side.

I was mad for a split second but then three or four spots down, a couple started to get into their car. I slowly moved into position and waited patiently as they started their car. Then out of nowhere this red car comes up from behind and gets in front of me blocking their exit.

We were at a stand-still. Nobody was moving. The rude lady now sitting in front of me asked if I could move back so she could let the car out and take their spot.

“Could this really be happening?” I asked myself.

Then she gets louder when I did not respond to her stupid question. She proceeded to tell me that the couple had promised the spot to her, and that I HAD to let her have it. In that very moment I became infuriated and would not move my car. I also started shouting, telling her that nobody can promise parking spots!!

“I’m not moving!” I shouted. “I’m already late for work. Who cares if I sit here for another 20-30 minutes?”

The couple was getting angry too. The male driver got out of his car said something to the lady in the red car. She drove forward. For a moment I felt some sense of accomplishment. But in this wicked twist of fate, he backed out of the spot and blocked me – almost hitting my car. Then the lady in the red car backed into the spot. As I sat there in disbelief, she got out of her car and made some rude comments to me.

Do you know how hard it was for me not to bump her with my car while she was walking through the parking lot?

But luckily I did not. To make matters worse, looking out my office window eight flights up, I could see her little red car backed into what should have been my parking space.

The Gurus at ...OrHardlyWorking have mulled over this common dilemma and come up with this post just for you! If you have experienced being “parking spot jacked,” here are some tips to help you not become a victim in the parking lot:

1) Drive in the middle of the lane. Do not give the parking lot jacker the opportunity to squeeze by you and jack your spot.
2) Leave just enough room for the vacating car to get out of the spot. If he needs more room, you give him some a little at a time. It’s like partner dancing. Stay as close as possible without violating each other's space or comfort level.
3) Always be on the look out for those drivers speeding down the lanes. You don’t want them to “accidently" hit your car or to zip into your spot.
4) If all else fails just let them have the spot and find another because your safety is the first priority. You never know what could tick them off. If they stole your spot in the first place, they are already mentally disturbed.

5) For you parking lot jackers, BEWARE! You don’t know the state of mind of the person who you just jacked. You just might catch someone who is having a really bad day and... well we don't even want to think of what could happen.

Hope this helped! Be careful out there, and watch your back. You never know when someone is poised to snatch your parking spot.

-The Gurus

Welcome to the Temping Game

2009-09-15T05:46:00.000-07:00

I never knew the meaning of grunt work until I started working as a temporary employee not too long after graduation. Perhaps I would have known what to expect had I watched the movie Clockwatchers beforehand.

For those of you who don’t know the meaning of grunt work, it basically means doing all of the crap that people who get paid twice as much as you don’t feel like doing. I mean seriously, is it that difficult to get up and walk to a fax machine that is closer to your office than it is to my cubicle?

I think not but I digress.

In the temp game, you can look at it as a stepping stone, something to tide you over between jobs and a means to keeping a little change in your pocket. Plus, if you are undecided in regard to your career, temporary work can provide a few options.

I would definitely say temping has shown me what types of jobs I am not suited for, not too mention how to sit and look busy for eight hours straight without actually doing any real work.

The other upside may include the ease of actually landing a job. Staffing agencies already have contracts set up with different companies, and for the most part, if your skills match what the company needs then you will pretty much get the job without having to go on an interview.

More than that, the likelihood of getting fired is a lot less likely if the bosses don’t even know your name!

The DownSide: The number one drawback of temping is the lack of health benefits.

Most temps do not make enough to purchase insurance even if their staffing agency offers it. There is no liability insurance either in most cases.

I had a temp position a few years ago where I was let go because I was in a car accident leaving a temporary assignment. I wasn’t pleased as it was, having to drive further than the amount of miles I previously agreed to, and when all was said and done I was out of a job because I had to take a week or two off to recover.

In the end I was left jobless, with no income and a car that was totaled. All this just so I can make a few measly dollars on a temp assignment! I have also heard rumblings of temps not being screened properly and being placed on assignments they aren’t qualified to fill just to make the quota.

This one lady I worked with didn’t even know how to use a fax machine! How she couldn’t decipher that the little picture on the loading tray meant "face up" or the fact that it even said, "Face Up," is beyond me.

The main thing that weighs on most temps’ minds is whether or not the position will become permanent. There is nothing more distressing than realizing with all of the hard work and time spent on an assignment; some lasting years, they don’t hire you for that position or worse, they hire someone else and expect you to train them.

Although there are more pros and cons of temporary work than I have mentioned, these are a few issues that are always present in the world of temporary staffing. Even with all of its drawbacks, temping does provide a way of life for a lot of people.

We advocate temping for those of you eager to quit your present job, but too impatient to plan an exit strategy. Money from temping can tide you over until you land that dream job!

As always, keep Hardly Working!

-The Gurus

Parkin Lot Lovin' part deux

2009-09-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

Now I’m sure we have all worked with someone that we have found attractive. Maybe you two flirted a little, exchanged curious glances or even engaged in some naughty workplace behavior. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

It doesn't as long as you make it YOUR business to keep it professional in the workplace.

There is no need to bring the trials and tribulations of your love life to the 11am meeting in the conference room. Your coworkers do not need to hear you singing lyrics from another sad love song while watching you snotting, crying and basically making an ass out of yourself.

Random outbursts and screaming matches have no place in the office unless it is Football Season and you and your coworkers are having a healthy debate on why your team is better than theirs.

As long as there's a mutual understanding about what your relationship status is and means, workplace romances can be fun and actually make you want to go to work everyday. So here are a few tips from the Gurus of OrHardlyWorking to keep it clean, exciting and more importantly, employed:

Do not use the copier for your own personal sex tryst documenting photo shoot.

If you're fortunate enough to have your own office, remember to always lock the door during quickies.

Stay off of your boss's desk.

If you’re going to have some lunchtime boogie in the car, you might want to leave the parking lot so the security guards and/or cameras don’t catch you.

Remember, skirts are our friends.

This one is for ladies in particular; Do not try and date everyone in your office. Being the office door knob is not cute. Men, you know you have a little more room here, but still-- male or female, noone wants the office whore .

Freshen up before going back to work. Baby wipes and body spray works wonders for those hot spots. And don't forget your neck.

Stay off your boss’s desk! (We can’t stress that enough)

If you stick to these tested, tried (Yes, we've tried them out) and true tips for success, you too can have a secret office romance, fling or both. Feel free to add to the list or share your own stories.

The Professional Brown Nose

2009-09-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

These people have kissing ass down to a science. They're quick-witted, conniving manipulators who know exactly how to get the boss to eat out of their hands.
We, the Gurus at …OrHardlyWorking would go as far to say that all suck-ups, brown noses and butt kissers (or whatever else you want to call them) are the equivalents of Smegal and Gollum.
One moment they seem supportive and sweet; the next they’re tearing into raw fish and trying to steal what’s yours!

This type of co-worker is extremely dangerous. They believe success can only come by kissing the boss’s ass and making you look bad!
It may be difficult to recognize those who prefer to wear kneepads on their way up the corporate ladder, so we have put together a list that will help you identify these losers.

1. No matter what their true opinion about any given subject is, ass-kissers will ALWAYS agree with the boss. Even if they just got through making a statement, they will immediately change what they said if the boss disagrees.

Example: You, your boss and the suck-up are chatting about the team’s upcoming presentation . Brown-nose states he prefers making power point presentations. The boss asks you what you prefer. You say, “I hate slides.” The boss then says, “Me too. I am a narrative type of guy, aren’t you?” (looking at you.) You answer truthfully, “Yes. I am.”
Brown-nose then says, “I think I’ll do this as a narrative.”

3. They act like bellhops. When the manager walks into a common area during employee lunch hour, the brown-nose will be the only person to throw down his sandwich and jump up out his chair to stand at attention and ask the boss if she needs anything from him, because his lunch can wait, since he wasn’t all that hungry to begin with.

2. Brown-noses spend a lot of time in the boss’s office tattle-telling. They like to “visit” the manager often and will tell you they just have to hand her something in person, but somehow the “handoff” lasts for a good 10-15 minutes. Then to your surprise, you get an email from your supervisor 10 minutes after Brownie returns to her cube. In the email from your boss, you discover you are chewing your gum too loudly and it is disturbing some of your co-workers. Brownie is the only person close enough to hear you chew.

4. Whenever the boss is around, the suck-up will get super helpful to you all of a sudden, especially if you’re the new hire. Once the manager leaves the room, or is out of ear shot, the brownie leaves you hanging.

5. They always say YES to the boss, no matter how much work they have on their plates. Sadly, they are very good at getting other people to help them out, yet they NEVER acknowledge those who lent a hand. Instead, they take all the credit.

BONUS TIP -----> Many times Brown-noses double as Skaters. (see Skater entry from Aug 31)

Hope these tips helped. Visit us again, and bring your friends. Make sure you share your tips in the comment box. We’re sure you veteran brown-nose spotters have some good ones.

-The OHW Gurus

Really? This is how to Wash Your Hands?

2009-09-02T06:52:00.001-07:00

This won't take long. First of all, I am an adult, a mature adult. So why am I subjected to reading a cartoon illustration on how to wash my hands, in the Men's bathroom?

Really? H1N1 has gotten so serious that Spongebob Squarepants must instruct me on how to was my hands? Hardly!

I have the heart to rip this Strawberry Shortcake sh*t off the mirror right now. Well until I watched a guy walk from the stall, directly out the door without washing his hands. Nasty buzzard. We still don't need a cartoon up though.

The Loud Talker

2009-08-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to the Loud Talkers of the cubicle nation.

There's usually at least one to a floor, or section. Heaven help you if there is more than one in any given 1ox10 ft area. And if you are a violator, I hate you!!!

Loud Talkers don't seem to have any idea how loud they talk. Doesn't matter what the subject is either. Could be telling you about the death of an icon, or their kid's Little League championship game. Doesn't matter. They will use the same volume either way.

They have an awful habit of repeating stories to anyone and everyone, so whether or not you are actually engaged directly in a conversation with a Loud Talker, you will know all the ins and outs of everything that happened to him in the last 24 hours.

You hear every conversation he has on the telephone even though he sits more than five cubes down.

If he's happy, you hear him singing.

If he's upset, you hear his complaining.

When people in the office really get busy and quiet down (because they are mashing computer keys with their fingers), he must interrupt them with some random outburst. Today it was something about Clarence Carter having recorded a better song than Strokin' 32 years before.

If it's quiet in the office, he tries to get other people to be loud like he is by insulting them.

How does he insult the quiet NORMAL toned people? Like this:

"You all aren't talking to me enough today. What's going on? Somebody say something. I can't be the only person with LIFE in this office!!! You people are boring. I'm going to bring in a radio for entertainment."
Naturally, people try to defend themselves by saying they aren't boring, they have work to do, and things of that nature.

To be fair, we have to mention that if it weren't for Loud Talkers the office probably would be more boring than usual, but they just tend to to be intrusive at the most inconvenient times. They want to break the silence when you are on a roll, and just so in the zone. You're slaying keys left and right. Then -- BAM! You hear, "I woke up in a soggy house this morning!"

Of course you give the Loud Talker your attention because he's piqued your curiosity at this point, and you have to find out how in the hell he could have a soggy house.
The story ends up going on for a good 15-20 minutes, and now you lost that thing you had and have to try to motivate yourself to get back into work mode. It was hard enough to get into the groove in the first place because we all know how much you hate your job.

You look at your watch and realize it's nearly quitting time anyway.

Loud Talkers aren't that bad. Just don't make the mistake of telling them something you don't want the rest of the world to hear because they have a tendency to be hard of hearing and often repeat what you just told them very loudly.

"What'd you say? You're period just came on, and you need to run to the store to pick up a pad or tampon!!?"

Don't let it happen to you. Loud Talkers are for entertainment purposes only. They are also good for a distraction when you need one. But take heed, they are a formidable foe. Even your iPod is powerless against them. Believe us, you will hear them over your music.

HOV-phobia... Do you have the guts to ride?

2009-08-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

You're running late for work and you know how jammed the highway is going to be with traffic. There are HOV lanes near your house that you know are open in the direction you are heading, but alas, the sign says "HOV-3 and MOTORCYCLES ONLY".

What do you do? You only have a few minutes after you get on the highway to make the decision. Then as the onramp gets closer, you have a mere few seconds to make a break for it, or pass it by.

Are you going to comply with the law or break it?

I'm known as a risk-taker, but seriously, you have to have some major cajoles to jump on the HOV alone. I have to admit that I have ridden the HOV alone twice, but the entire time my heart was pounding. And before I could get on, I was wrestling with the idea the entire time it took me to get from my house to the onramp. I was arguing in my head, and it went something like:

Bad me: "You know you're gonna be late. You should probably take the HOV today."
Good me: "Yeah, sure. And risk getting a ticket? I don't think so. It's not worth it man."
Bad me: "Not worth it? Ok, so you'd rather make a normally 30 minute trip turn into an hour, because you're afraid? Don't you see all those cars with one person in them? You know you won't get pulled over, so just do it!"
Good me: "Ehhh, maybe I should. There are a lot of single passenger cars getting on, I see."
Bad me: Yessssss. Go ahead, do it.
Good me: (At the last second) "AGHHHHH I can't!"

Then I'm fussing the rest of the way, as I sit in traffic telling myself I should have gotten on. I do it almost every day.

The thought of having to pay a ticket in the range of $1,000 plus is a mighty big deterrent for me. Yet, I see so many people every day violate. I'm thinking they must know something I don't. Or maybe they are in such a rush they are willing to take the risk.

A friend of mine says the key is driving between two other violators, so if the Trooper stops someone, it most certainly will not be you. That makes sense, but I'm not sure how effective that is. I'm trying to hash out the probability in my mind, but I'm not a mathematician. As you can tell, I'm a writer. So I usually play it safe and follow the rules.

Today I got caught up in a little jam and I longingly looked over to my left at the cars whizzing past, driving all happily along in the HOV lanes. I noticed half a dozen cars with only a single occupant and I felt the heat rise from my belly as I watched them pass me. I hate those people. I hate them because they have more courage than I do. I hate them because they don't get caught. And most of all, I hate them because they didn't have to wake up a half hour earlier to accommodate the traffic.

When I do see someone pulled over on the HOV I get so happy. I dance in my seat, and wave at them. But that doesn't happen often enough to even out the hate I feel for the ones who got away.

So question is, do you ride the HOV when you shouldn't?

Is it just me, or are the "Sayings of the Day" annoying to you too?

2009-08-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

They're everywhere. In email signatures. On bulletin boards, and text message signatures.

I'm talking about the corny "quote of the day," or "words to live by" that people feel everyone else needs to know.

I, for one, am tired of reading them. I don't want to read what you think is wise. Maybe I don't want to know what the "moral lesson of the day is", and maybe, just maybe I do not care to know who you think are the wisest people on the earth.

I mean, most of the quotes come from dead people. Maybe we should just leave them where we find them. For you, they may be jewels, but for me, it's just another unnecessary line of text to read.

The worst is when you have a bulletin board in the office and the resident "enlightened" one must use it for their own personal agendas.

The board is for posting OFFICE information. Maybe a potluck is coming up, or an article was published in the local media about Bob from Accounting's snagging a 20lb. Tuna over the weekend.

It is not the place to preach or teach. Neither is your email, or text message signature.

I don't want to read Hallmark-esque quotes, or so-called inspirational quotes at the end of our correspondence. Your name, alternate email, and phone number is all I expect and SHOULD see when I'm through reading your message.

I feel like I'm forced to read this stuff and I'm fed up with it. I've even seen them on the Starbucks cups and everything. Now I can't even get a Chai Tea Latte without be subjected to someone's random words. I don't even go to Starbucks anymore in an effort to avoid those dumb messages I know will be waiting for me on my cup.

What do you think about this? Am I alone, or do I have some fellow cubicle people behind me on this one?

What is it with those stupid sayings people use at work?

2009-08-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just me.
But I can not stand those stupid phrases the bosses at my office use to "illustrate" how important something is that they need.

The two phrases that annoy me to no end:

#1 "I need this yesterday"
I'm thinking how utterly impossible this is.

#2 " you should put forth 110% effort"
Again, utterly impossible! And what are you trying to say? Are you telling me my 100%effort isnt good enough?

I guess I'm just aggravated about the small "fires" that pop up and fall on my shoulders with the same sense of urgency that it was passed on to my boss.
Why couldn't he pass it to me when he FIRST got it? Don't throw it at me when it's almost OBE. (Overcome by Events)

Why do people always choose to talk to me when I'm clearly BUSY???

2009-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I'm at work, and people see me furiously slaying my computer's keyboard, but decide to strike up meaningless conversations anyway.

I have a deadline to make, and here comes Shawn yapping about how I missed meeting his wife and son yesterday when they came to visit him at our office.

Who cares? I don't.

Then there's Janine, who must come up everyday and sit down next to me while I'm working to tell me about her romance woes.

Girl, get a dog!

Oh, and don't forget Russell. He's the resident office whore, and he's been trying to bed me since I started with the company in 2005. Why did I have to have Orientation with him?

The gods must hate me...

If I am not facing you, occasionally nodding my head and giving you a few "uh huh's" and "yeah's" that means I'm just not interested in what you have to say. But alas, some just do not get the hint. One time Janine sat beside my desk for TWENTY minutes talking about her last date and how the guy never called. What did she do wrong?

Do I even care? Nope. I really do not.

I don't know what to do. I need help!!!

Please comment about what you do to ward off unwanted visitors who have nothing better to do than stop you from getting your work done. I could really use the advice. Obviously 'ignore' doesn't seem to be the best answer.

Office Rhetoric: Technology, the Silent Economy Assassin

2009-08-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is what I understand. I understand that our economy is six feet under solid dirt. And I’ve heard every reason why we’re in a recession: a greedy financial district, an exploding Real Estate bubble, a lower level population that is growing beyond supplemental program budgets, a government that can’t seem to print enough money, the previous administration, etc.

I’d like to tell you that there is one factor that the economist couldn’t help but to leave off the list, and that is Technology. Early on in this century, music piracy struck hard on the internet. Record companies banked on consumers getting up on Tuesday morning and running to the stores to buy new releases. And that they did. New Releases were breaking the 100,000 unit mark in sales from the #1 album in the country all the way down to the 10^th.

But once it became affordable for consumers to burn their own music in addition to sharing their music files on sites like Napster, record sales slowly began its decline. In time, the RIAA took action by levying heavy fines for copyright infringement to slow down the theft. Until eventually, the music industry transitioned into digital and ringtone sales to offset their losses.

Recently, ‘Box Office Smash’ hopeful, Wolverine: X-Men Origins leaked to the internet and downloads for the digital copy cracked a million. You want to talk about a blow to the stomach? You do the math; one million downloads multiplied by $10 per movie ticket in losses. And that doesn’t include what the theaters lost in potential concessions for each ticket. Since then, Production companies had to tighten their system to assure that this type of catastrophe doesn’t ruin the entire 2009 summer of blockbuster films.

Even the US Postal Service is losing a fight to technology. There was a time when every bill in the household was paid by check, sealed in an envelope and sent to the company. The US Postal Service posted 9 billion dollars in loses for 2008. While people continue to send large packages, handwritten letters and sending postcards have been replaced by sending texts/emails and pictures with captions from a current location. People are paying their bills over the phone or online. These digital transactions are free of charge as long as you pay your bill at least two days before the payment is due. The USPS is in talks of cutting their work week down a day and raising the cost of a stamp for only the third time in the past 3 years.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, they always say. If you take a look at the Bush Administration, technology has taken this country from Two-way pagers in 2001 to Pocket PC devices with touch screens in 2008 - from Playstation 2 to Playstation 3 - from floor model projection televisions to flat screen LCD monitors that could be hung on your wall like a painting. Social gatherings once took place at concerts, bookstores, and college campuses just to name a few. Today, millions of Americans share their photographs, videos and their two cents on the World Wide Web. And all of this was happening while the Bush Administration was busy with explaining their reasons for fighting a war that couldn’t be won.

The advancement of technology has made life more convenient. But at what cost? Possibly at the cost of an older generation that has watched the advancements which changed their lives, become obsolete. Technology has as much to do with our economic downturn as anything else out there. So the next time you download a compass application to your phone, think about the company that you are helping to put out of business before you click ‘Buy’.

the know it all

2009-08-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

We all have someone like this at the office. You know who I'm talking about. That guy who knows EVERYTHING. The nerd gamer who knows random tidbits of information that you never even thought to think about.

He's the one who complains about how stupid everyone else is; Always suggesting "better" ways to accomplish the mission; Improving (in his own eyes) standard company procedures that are older than the dinosaurs; The guy who looks down on everyone who has a normal IQ.

That's who I'm talking about. He's the guy that talks of leaving the firm in pursuit of a higher education. He's the one who has a BA in Communications, but in his spare time writes about Quantum Mechanics. He frequently visits websites that predict how our galaxy will evolve years from now. And don't forget he can accurately pinpoint when our sun will eventually explode, because it's a yellow dwarf star. (His words, not mine)

When you see him snickering to himself while watching Youtube at work, you think you've got him. Maybe he actually is a normal guy who sneaks and watches movies at work. That is, until you walk over to check out what he's trying so hard to conceal his laughter over. Turns out to be a video of another (older) nerd demonstrating an experiment that proves the velocity of an object propelled from a moving object will be the same as the object it was propelled from. (SHEESH! Try saying that five times fast)

He's always saying stupid things like that, and when he taps you and says, "Get a load of this. Can you believe this idiot thinks the Mayans were mystic 'cause they created those pyramids?" You just shrug, laugh and say, "Yeah. what an idiot." Even though you believe Mayans probably had help from aliens because they were too primitive to design such precise architecture.

"I know, right?" he asks. "Anyone can do anything with the power of math. That's how the ancient pyrimids were designed,-- using math. Duh!" He rolls his eyes. You roll yours too, but for different reasons. He'll never know how you barely passed math for dummies in college. But that's none of his business anyway.

Earlier today he distracted me from my work by waving a flat folded piece of aluminum foil until I caught it in my peripheral vision. I looked in his direction. He asked if I want to see something. I said "Sure." The next five minutes of my life were so boring, I nearly fell asleep. He went on and on about how the foil blocks some kind of waves. He places his cell phone in the foil pocket he made, and says all the bars began to disappear one by one. He also told me that he tried this experiment while standing next to his car, and it was even worse. He didnt have service for like five minutes, or something like that.

I guess it's kind of cool having the nerd working next to me, because I get to learn all types of random facts. (One time he even told me about what rights I have if I'm ever pulled over by the cops and they want to search my car. That was actually useful information!) I even learn science from time to time, as demonstrated earlier in this post. However, I'm still convinced that I would be fine without this knowledge. I mean, I'm 31 and have lived this long not knowing, right?

Do you have a know-it-all in your workplace? How do you avoid him/her?

Casual Friday Wardrobe Violators

2009-07-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

We all know it when we see it: Casual Friday violations. The perps are usually repeat offenders, and most often they are women. There are male offenders too, and I will address those guys as well. Don't you worry about that. We here at ...Orhardlyworking are equal opportunity observers.
Why, why, WHY, I ask. Why do people think that Casual Friday gives them a pass to let their hair down, or in more extreme cases, to let it all hang out?
Casual Friday simply gives members of the cubicle nation the option to forgo the formal business suit for a more relaxed look, such as khakis and a polo shirt, in lieu of the three piece with a tie.
It does NOT mean wear your favorite club outfit, or wear ripped up jeans. (Some offices may not allow jeans at all. ) Check your office manager, or company policy manual to find out what is accepted as appropriate attire where you are employed.

Women tend to dress too sexy, and men too casual. Let me give you an example of what I mean:

Today, I witnessed a woman who from first glance appeared to be complying with the dress code. She had on a pair of cream colored pants and a cute burnt orange peasant blouse. Casual, but not too casual, right? So I thought, but I was dreadfully wrong.

On further inspection I realized that the material that made up both the pants and the shirt was SEE THROUGH, and the woman had on white underwear.

Visible pantyline is one (horrible, but acceptable, I guess) thing, but actually being able to see your panties right through your pants is a different story. Totally unprofessional.

Looking at her, I felt like I was wearing X-Ray glasses. That's how bad it was. Then to make matters worse, her bra was too small. The saving grace was that at least the blouse was not low cut. But it may as well have been, because even Ray Charles could see her breasts falling out of her bra cups.

I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and was tempted to pull her aside, but since she is a repeat offender, (She wore an AppleBottoms jean jumpsuit one time. She was the LONE reason our floor manager made wearing jeans a "No No". Before miss jean jumper, we were allowed to wear jeans) I figured she knew exactly what she was doing. Maybe she was gunning for a raise???

Last month, a guy who works in the cube next to mine came in wearing jeans with holes in the knees, and a cracked worn out leather belt! He paired it with a blazer and a tie, but who could get past the jeans? Totally unprofessional. Maybe he was going fishing after work? Was he planning on doing some automotive repair later? I mean what the heck was he thinking when he chose those jeans and that beat up old belt?

The examples above are minor compared to what I have seen in the past, but this is just for starters. We will bring you more installments as time goes on. If you have pictures of Casual Friday violations, please email them to orhardlyworking@gmail.com.

The bottom line is that what you wear reflects on who you are, and some people make judgements about your work ethic by your appearance. Do you take pride in your appearance, or does it seem like you are desperate for attention? Do your clothes give the impression that you don't care about the way you look? Think about it.
I remember hearing the saying, "Clothes do make the man," as a child and I believe it be true to this day.

What do you want people to think when they see you? If you work hard all week to appear professional, don't blow it come Friday. It's not worth it. And you really don't have anything to prove. Let your work speak more for you than your body.

If you have Casual Friday violators at your job, tell us about it in the comments section.

Thanks,
the Gurus at ...Orhardlyworking
Have a good weekend!

Grooming your self at work: A MAJOR no-no

2009-07-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest faux pas and annoying things people do in the workplace is groom themselves.
That stuff should be done in private. Noone, and I do mean NO ONE wants to see how you make yourself look the way you do. It should remain a mystery!
Don't clip your nails at your desk. Don't brush your hair, or teeth. (Yes, people brush at their desks)

I think it's reasonable to straighten your tie, or don a little gloss- even put lotion on your hands, but all the rest can be done at home, or in the bathroom.

I hate to hear the nail clippers snapping while I'm trying to work. I don't want to think about having to navigate through your trail of nail clippings strewn about the floor. (You know these people don't even have the courtesy to clip over the trash can)

Then there are the public flossers! Good grief! Mr./Ms. DISGUSTING, have you any manners, or home training at all?

It's a wonder you got this far up the ladder.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for good grooming, and keeping up one's appearance, but give us a break! I, nor do any of the co-workers in the office, want to know the intimate details of your hygiene routine.

We are grateful that you want to be at your best, but do us all a favor. Keep it in the closet.

Thank you,

the gurus at ...orhardlyworking

The (S)talker: You Can't Escape the Inevitable

2009-07-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

Do you find yourself creeping around the cubicle maze, trying to keep your height below the teal green walls, hoping that you will not be...

"Hey, let me tell you about what my husband did last night," says the (S)talker.

Every office has one... if you have more than one, we feel for you. The (S)talker (stalker + talker) is the co-worker that can't get enough of telling the same story, word for word to any person that gives eye contact for more than .001 of a second. They are fearless, cunning, and down right annoying. The (S)talker has no sense of time or work schedule for themself, but they know your every move - from car to building, from elevator to office, from desk to lounge, from lunch and back.

The (S)talker is relentless to a point that if you are on your phone, they will hover around until you hang up and immediately hop into a story about their poison ivy covered kids, Stetson drenched husband, nagging wives and family vacations that you can't afford to go on.

There is no escape. If you try to walk to the copier, they'll follow you. If you are in the middle of a conversation, they'll hop in off topic and shut it down. If you are microwaving your lunch, they'll pop up right behind you to say that Healthy Choice is a better frozen food brand than what you're about to eat and that her daughter went through a menstrual cycle for the first time over the weekend.

Let's face it, Batman couldn't hold a candle up to the ninja-like skills the (S)talker possesses. However, we at OrHardlyWorking came up with a few ways to delay your (S)talker from talking about how their son bowled a 215 with his lucky red jammies on.

The Tag-Team method - since the (S)talker is pretty loud in telling their stories, one of your tag-team partners could call you on the phone, and you could act like a work emergency just came up. Please leave the area immediately without many words. "I gotta Go" should be enough

I know, only one tip. We wish we had more tips, but boy are these (S)talkers some crafty SOB's...

Tell us about the (S)talkers in your office area, and how do you get rid of them...

Office Quickie: Gatorade, The Buzz Killer

2009-07-22T05:25:00.000-07:00

OK, so you're out to lunch with your co-workers and the spot that you so happened to go to has one of the best bars in the area. You'd love to join in on a few drinks, however, like trying to hold a note during Karaoke Mondays, you can't hold your liquor buzz. The last thing you need is a repeat run of last year's Christmas Extravaganza when you pulled out the Elaine Benes (fictional character from Seinfeld) dance for the entire staff.

But what if we told you that you could have that drink without the cranky leg side effects? Gatorade to the rescue! Drinking alcohol can really dehydrate your body. Gatorade is known for replenishing your body of the nutrients and electrolytes that your body loses during this activity. Gatorade can get rid of hangovers the next morning, but you need that buzz gone like right now. So for every four ounces of alcohol you drink, two ounces of Gatorade is necessary, just minutes after. Don't wait too long or the replenishing effects won't kick in, in enough time for you to be back in the office. WARNING: Gatorade is not a breath mint

Farting in the Workplace

2009-07-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

We all have to do it. Sometimes it can't be avoided. You just got to let that gas go.
If you don't, you'll have pains and discomfort., But you don't want to, because of the inevitable embarrassment.

The lucky bastards have offices of their own, and are able to simply shut the door and whistle as they blow.

The rest of us, more often than not, belong to the cubicle nation, and share close quarters with several other people.

We, the gurus of ...OrHardlyWorking have compiled a guide to letting go without endangering yourself of being let go. Check it out, and give these babies a try. We guarantee you won't be disappointed. (at least, we hope you won't be disappointed)

1. Walk to the water cooler, and slowly let the gas go. This way, if it is particularly foul smelling, no one will know who did it, or when.

2. Let it go quickly, then spray a squirt or two of body spray or cologne. If you don't have either of these items, use hand sanitizer. Just squeeze a big dollop onto your palm, but don't rub it in until it evaporates! Rub it into your palms enough to ensure it doesn't fly out of your hands, and then fan your area around your chair. The air will smell like alcohol. (This also works with fragranced hand lotion)

3. Choose a place to sit, or stand. Let the gas seep out slowly, then when you are done, quickly walk away.

4. Go into the bathroom to let it out. (This only works if you feel it coming on and have time to get to the restroom. Otherwise, just do a variation of #1)

5. Fart and fan, fart and fan. You can fan your nether regions with a folder. It works best if you fan upward and out to disperse the gas.

6. If you don't think you can let it go quietly, simply cough loudly and let 'er rip! That way, you cover up the noise. If you happen to have one of those sneaky ones just pop out without warning, simply adjust yourself in your chair roughly causing your chair to squeak. A squeaky chair is great camouflage for breaking wind.

7. If noise and not smell is your dilemma, simply part the cheeks. The reason breaking wind makes noise is because the gas released from your body causes friction between the glutes. If possible, part the cheeks, and be sound free. If you're sitting down, you can slide one hand under one of your glutes and simply pull it outward. Works like a charm.

8. Play the blame game. You can always wrinkle up your nose and state that you smell something foul. Of course the "Whoever smelt it, dealt it" rule applies, and your coworkers will probably suspect you are the stinky culprit.

9. Keep a Glad sandwich container with old, rotten food in your desk drawer. When you have to let one loose, simply take the top off, and exclaim, "Oh my God! I can not believe I left this in my desk. It stinks to high heaven. I'm throwing this away right now!" You'll have to put up with the smell of whatever's in there (tuna is a good one), but at least you can take the office's noses off you! (Be sure not to throw away the container. You can always use that one again.)

If you don't like the idea of rotten food in your drawer, try peanut butter. That is an excellent source of gas-covering capability.

Hey! There's no reason to get all backed up , and your intestines tied in a knot because you are afraid to let go. Remember, the doctor says keeping in gas is bad for you. So follow the guide and you can cut the cheese all day. No one will ever be the wiser.

HAPPY MONDAY MORNING

2009-07-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

I remember how important 'Monday Morning' was to my first mentor. He'd tell me that while many people complain about Monday coming back around, they really should be welcoming it. Monday is your start; the first day that most of us wake up to an alarm after the restful weekend. Your week will either be a productive one or a miserable one, depending on how you feel about this one day.

So I ask that you take some time out to greet your Monday Morning with good spirits. Today, and every Monday after doesn't have to be so dreadful.

Separate yourself from the preconceived and connect yourself to what you choose to believe... - wdf

HAPPY MONDAY MORNING!!!

Things to do When the Company Server Goes Down

2009-07-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of things to do when the server goes down, but the boss won't let you leave:

contributed by Diligentleman

- Write out your bills
- make appointments
- go to lunch (although it's only 1030)
- nothing
- go somewhere and take a nap.
- Make new friends
- spend more time BS-ing with co-workers
- homework
- look at catalogues
- play solitaire
- swap 'I remember back in the day' stories

BONUS

-the person that is sitting one cubicle away that you were trying to email before the server went down; 'walk your ass over and tell them what you have to say'

Hate going to the office every day? You are not alone... But you can do something about it

2009-07-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Do you dread Monday mornings? Is your stomach in knots every Sunday because all you can think about is going to the office Monday? Are you finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed to get ready for work? Do you wish to quit your job, but feel trapped by the life you've created for yourself? (car, house, big screen TV)

If you answered "Yes" to any one of these questions, chances are you hate your job. What's worse, some of you may even hate your career. You may hate your job for a myriad of reasons: bad boss, your personality isn't matched well to the company, low wages...
Whatever your reasons are for hating your job, or career, you are in a huge boat with millions of other people the world over.
Like most people, (myself included) you pursued your career because you knew it would earn you lots of money. And it probably has, but you've found that you just are not happy doing what you do.

What should you do? Quit? Take a sabbatical? go back to school? Start your own business? Switch careers? You've probably already had this conversation with yourself and haven't yet come to a conclusion as to your next steps, so I guess I should get on with this then, huh?

Question of the moment is, "How can I still make a decent living and leave my job?"

First, find your passion. What is it that you love to do? Can you get paid doing it? I'll answer this one for you. Of course you can!!! With the way things are going in technology these days, the sky is absolutely the limit!

After you find your passion, research how you can pursue your dream. Do you need to be re-trained? You may need to take some classes.

Start cutting back on your spending. Take an inventory of unnecessary expenses such as magazine subscriptions, eating out, cable, and things of that nature. Downgrade your car. You can even try selling some of your unwanted items. You're going to have to save up some money to pay your bills once you decide to leave your current position and pursue your own happiness.

I know you didn't think you could make a dramatic transition in your life without some sacrifices, did you?

After you've researched what it takes to be a success in your field of passion, start planning your move. Save up at least three months of your current salary to tide you over.

QUIT!

If you don't quit you'll just keep making excuses for yourself to not make that move! But don't quit without lining something up first.

There are many resources out there regarding this very subject. I've started a search on Amazon. Look what popped up:

http://www.amazon.com/phrase/Hate-My-Job/ref=cap_top_1

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=pursuing+your+dream+career

Take a test at Live Career to see which career best suits your personality:
http://www.livecareer.com/

And if you aren't ready to quit, visit this site to let it all out until the time comes when you can!!
Go ahead! It's anonymous.

http://workrant.com/

Life is way too short not to pursue your dreams! With patience, persistence and discipline, you can have the career and job of your dreams!

Good Luck!

Parking Lot Lovin': X-tasee-5

2009-07-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe you'll read 1,000 of these confessions, but none of them are like mine. My name is "Mr. MILF Slayer." (pun intended) I'm an intern at a Fortune 500 company, fairly new to the mix. Between all the "yes sirs" and "yes ma'ams" I bring people coffee and suffer paper cut after eye watering paper cut from Monday through Friday from 9 until they send me home.

Well one day, I was bending over at the water cooler when I felt this hand squeeze my ass or whatever. I looked up and saw this curvy blonde piece of candy walking up the aisle and into the corner office. But there was a lot of people walking around so I didn't know if it was her for sure, -until it was time for me to leave. I got onto the elevator and just before it closed, an umbrella stuck in-between the doors. And when the doors opened, it was her, the Chief Financial Officer, pulling her luggage on wheels behind her. She was more than twice my age, but her body was so tight, as was her face. She was my boss's boss, but she turned me on. I had to loosen my tie to relieve some of the heat that was rising.

"So you're new here," she said to me. I nodded yes and smiled. I couldn't say shit to her. What was I to say to the person that practically signed my checks?

"So are you in a rush," she asked me. "I really need some help getting this heavy bag into my car. Would you mind?"

How could I say no?

I extended my open hand in a silent gesture for her to pass her luggage over to me. When she placed the cool metal of the suitcase handle into my hand, our palms touched, making me pause for a second to look at her fingers. Smooth, skin, nicely manicured nails. I began to wonder how that hand would feel on other parts of my anatomy, that unfortunately at the moment happened to be covered by a pair of slacks. "What am I thinking," I scolded myself. I know this woman couldn't be interested in me. She was just looking for a "joe" to carry her shit. I straightened up and we both waited in silence as the elevator reached the Garage level of our building.

"This way," Miss CFO said, pointing toward the back of the lot. My eyes followed in the direction she was pointing and I made out a silver BMW X5 that was parked slightly over the divider line, making it impossible for a car to park next to hers. The opposite side was closest to the wall. I could take this two ways. I decided to test my thoughts by making a statement. Her answer would tell me how to make the most of what was seeming more and more like an opportunity to slay this full grown kitty. I said, "People usually park over the line for one of two reasons; either they are cautious and park this way to protect their ride from scratches and dings..."

She grinned slightly and raised an eyebrow before asking, "What's the other reason?" I took my time before answering. She used her keyless entry device to pop the trunk. When she looked at me, I made sure I looked her straight in the eyes before answering, "Or, they want privacy."

She was silent, but her sideways smile spoke for her. I hoisted her bag into the back of the car and slammed the trunk. She opened the driver side door and placed her purse on the passenger seat. I'm not sure if she did this on purpose, but when she put her bag in the car, she bent all the way over before slowly rising back to turn and face me. In doing so, I got a good look at her sexy legs and firm ass. I could feel myself getting a hard on, so I stood with my arms crossed in front of me, fig leaf game proper!

She glanced down, and before I could say anything she reached down and took my hands into hers all the while keeping her eyes on my crotch. I was embarrassed as hell. But then, she looked me in the eyes, removed one hand from our weird handshake, and placed her free hand on my jank! I started to protest, but all I could do was close my eyes. Just the way she grabbed me, I could tell she knew what she was doing. She guided us in a Waltz, jank in hand to the back door. And with one spin, her back was to the door, she reached for the handle then swung the door open.

She grabbed at my shirt and whipped me around. The momentum practically lifted me off the ground and fully onto the backseat. She crawled on top of me, using the heel of her stiletto to close the door behind us and began to place surgically rendered kisses all over my neck. And once she laid her solid body on top of mine, sliding her pelvic area up my piece, there was no turning back. She reached into a compartment and pulled out an Ultra Thin condom that I knew was too small. She bit down on the wrapper and ripped it open. Everything was moving so fast that my button and zipper were down before I exhaled. She aggressively slid the condom on me, pulled up her skirt and placed her pointer finger across my lips.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that not of word of this is spoken beyond this moment, but I will,” she said. “If you can take me to the top, I’ll take you to the top. And it's plain to see that your size should do the trick.”

Let’s just say that my position as an intern was short lived. I kept my mouth shut and my CFO kept her word. A year later I was pulling in $75k with bonuses. But there was a catch; part of my salary is now going towards her quarterly plastic surgery binges. So make that $35k with bonuses. This can’t be life.

Sincerely crying out for help,

Mr. Dry as a Prune

Need some assistance with goofing off on the job?

2009-07-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

Tired of feigning work at the office? Tired of looking into your rear view cubicle mirror for tattle-tails? The tips and products below can help you trick resident nosy-bodies and your boss into thinking you're working. Go ahead! Read on. I know you deserve a little breathing room from your micro-managing nemesis!

1. Clone Yourself

According to the folks at myCyberTwin.com, you can create and customize a virtual twin personality of yourself that can chat with others while you are offline! Personal users get to use this service FREE! Visit the site to learn more about creating your own cyber doppelganger.

2. Get Double Vision

Thank goodness for technology. There's a fairly new freeware player available called Double Vision. With Double Vision, you can view your favorite videos on YouTube or Hulu with a custom transparency window while you work (or not) with other applications. You're able to watch a video while writing an e-mail or a document. The best part is that you can set the level of transparency, or hide the player altogether with a simple mouse click. Learn more at Double Vision's FAQ page.

3. Disguise Your Voice When Making Personal Calls

Babble by Sonare Technologies has created a small device that will end eavesdropping for good! Babble transmits scrambled recordings of your voice, which sounds like background noise to nosy-bodies (your boss included) within earshot. Babble is compatible with most phone systems and plugs into the nearest outlet. Now you can talk to your BFF without hiding beneath your desk!

4. Work Your Computer Overtime

Or at least, make it look like its working overtime with Digital Volvano's freeware application, The Fake Progress Bar . When you run the application, the default progress bar will be displayed. Click the cog icon to bring up the settings, and then customize your progress bar to set the length of time you want it to run. Ingenious! How can you get work done when the computer is running so slow? Tell your manager you'll have the report as soon as the program is done loading (which will take as long as you want it to).

5. Send Emails While You Sleep

If you use Microsoft Outlook, you can set it up to send a message at any time. This way, you can make it look like you sent a message at 10pm instead of 10am.

Follow these simple steps to make your boss think you're putting in overtime:

a. Compose your message. If you aren't sure whether your manager will notice the time sent, you can make a reference to it in the body of your message.
b. When you're finished writing your message, click the Options button in the upper-middle portion of the Outlook window.
c. Choose Delivery Options and click the box beside the words Do Not Deliver Before and select the date and time when this message should be delivered using the drop-down boxes.
d. Choose your date and time.
e. Click Close and then click Send. You should see your email message pending in your Outbox folder.

WARNING!! You MUST keep Outlook open for this email to be sent after midnight

Take heed when employing these tricks of the trade. If you have any suggestions and tips to add to this entry (only those proven successful please!) do so in the comment box to share with your fellow slacker.

Ever been in the restroom and overheard someone talking about you?

2009-07-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

Guess what happened to me at work last week? I went to use the restroom nearest my cubicle, but found that it was being cleaned by Housekeeping. I decided to go to the bathroom one floor up, which is on the same floor as my manager's office.

When I got there, I found that it was going to take longer than I thought. (Im not gonna gross you out by telling you what I had to do!!!)

Anyway, I hunker down in the stall farthest from the door. After about three minutes, I hear the main door open. I decide to take my time, because I didnt want whoever was in there to know I was the cause of the not so pleasant smell lingering in the air!

After about thirty seconds, the restroom door opens again, and I realize that before that second door opening, I hadn't heard a stall door creak, or clothes rustling. That was my first clue that something was up, so I get quiet, and pray my body doesn't betray me.

I hear greetings being exchanged and I realize it was my manager and one of my co-workers. The girl is a nosey one who sits a cube behind me, and she's always in everyone's business. Just last month I sent out an E-invitation for my annual BBQ, and this busybody read every single response! How do I know? Because she walked up behind me while I was at my desk banging away at the keyboard and made casually remarks, "I guess I'm the last to know." I don't even turn around before asking, "Last to know what?" She doesn't respond, so I'm forced to turn around to face her. She peers over her glasses and says, "I guess I'm the last to know you're dating Grant." I look at her in confusion. "Huh?" She folds her arms across her chest and sighs, "I saw what he wrote in response to your invitation. He said he was definitely coming, "BEAUTIFUL." Why would Grant call you beautiful if you guys weren't an item or something?"

It took all my strength not to strangle that meddling idiot. I took a deep breath before replying, "Just because he called me beautiful doesn't mean we are a couple. And anyway, are you saying you read EVERY reply in the list of responses?" She looks at me, and shrugs her shoulders. "Yes, I did. Is there something wrong with that?" I just turn back around to face my computer, put on my headphones and turn the volume of my iPod Nano up full blast.

SO now that I realize who is in the bathroom with my boss, I quietly draw my legs up, and lean back against the wall.

After a brief pause, Miss Busybody says in a hushed tone, "Mrs. Brown, what did you want to know about Sasha?" Mrs. Brown replies, "I'm thinking of giving her more responsibility around the office, but not sure whether she is capable of taking on a heavier workload. Since you keep a finger on the pulse of the office, and being you are so close to her, maybe you could clue me in about Sasha's work habits."

(They're talking about me! Oh wow. Maybe I should have been nicer to Nosey.)

"Mrs. Brown, I try to always mind my own affairs in the work place. You know that don't you?" (Wish I could see the look on Brown's face at that BS.) Mrs. Brown clears her throat and says, "Of course! But you do sit directly behind Sasha, so tell me what you know."

"True," Nosey says.

(At this point I'm holding my breath. What is this woman going to say about me? I barely ever talk to her. She doesn't know anything about me, or how I handle business. "Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?")

"To be honest, Sasha is very quiet. I haven't heard anything about her being a slacker or anything. As a matter of fact, I think she is pretty good to go because if she missed deadlines or rubbed people the wrong way, I would have heard about it." Mrs. Brown is silent. Then Nosey abruptly says, "I mean, not that I partake in gossip. But I really have not heard any negative things about Sasha. If anything, I would say that girl needs to be a little more social with the rest of us downstairs. But I don't know if that would be a good thing now that she is going to get a promotion and all."

(I couldn't believe my ears. Nosey actually came through for me! I almost fell off the toilet.)

"Wait a minute, don't jump the gun," Mrs. Brown says. "I am not promoting Sasha, just thinking of giving her a little more responsibility. At this point, that is all. OK?" Nosey must have nodded because I hear Mrs. Brown approaching the restroom door.

Then I hear Mrs. Brown's voice: "Thanks for chatting, dear. And please remember to keep this between us."

"No worries Mrs. Brown. You can trust me!"

The door closes and I assume it was Mrs. Brown that left. I sigh with relief. My legs are cramped and just as I'm about to stretch them out, I hear the door of the stall two doors away close and lock. Nosey makes water and says aloud, "I can't wait to tell Jaye and Robin about this! We are going to have a new boss, and a new office romance!"

I guess the heifer didn't believe me about Grant. And if she wants to spread rumors about a promotion, so be it. I can't wait to move up to this floor anyhow.

Beware the Skater

2009-04-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer:

We, the Gurus at ...OrHardlyWorking, are in no way advocating overachieving or shining at your job by any means! However, we do believe that you should do your own job. You don't even have to do it well, but do not pass your load onto your fellow cubies. Also, please note that we used the term, "he" in this post for the sake of convenience. You know we hate extra work, and writing "he/she" is an inconvenience. That does not mean we don't respect women. We do!

That is all.

You already hate your job. Coming to work every day is a drag. If you're a follower of this blog then we know you'll wholeheartedly agree that any additional aggravation is totally unwanted. What do we consider more aggravation? Many things can be filed under this category, but this post will focus on SKATERS.

What's is a skater, you ask? Pull up a chair young padawan, and make yourself comfortable while the OHW Gurus school you.

See, a skater is a master at passing his work off to you, while making the big boss think he is the biggest contributor to the "mission". All the while, everyone else in the trenches knows that the skater is skating. He’s really clever at what he does too. He knows all the right things to say to the manager to cover up what he really is. A perfect example would be:

Skater is tasked with producing a list of distributors for the boss to consider reaching out to for marketing purposes. You nor anyone else knows this.
One day at lunch, you are sitting with your co-workers shooting the breeze and eating, when the skater casually mentions that he is looking for some information on a particular distributor. Between bites, you say that you had a whole list of distributors that he could take a look at. However, you warn the skater that you made the list a good while back and that you would have to hunt it down.

The skater acts very grateful, and tells you that he would be happy to have it when you find it.
Fast forward an hour. You’re at your desk hitting the keyboard home row with the latest Tae Kwon Do moves when you notice the skater signaling for your attention. You look up, take one earpiece out your ear (iPod defense against the Loud Talker) and make the “What do you want” face. Skater says, “I told Jim (your boss) that you had a distributor list we could use, and he said he is very excited to see it.”

At this point, you are dumbfounded. Once you digest everything the skater said you respond, “Wait a minute. I told you I had to look for it. That list is like from two jobs ago.” Skater replies, “I know, so I guess you’d better start hunting.”

That’s it. The buck has officially been passed. See how smooth the skater is? If it had not been the skater's responsibility, he would not have mentioned it to your boss. Understand?

BEWARE, and WATCH YOUR BACK

With all that said, do not fret young scholar, for all is not lost. You can fix this one. Here's how:
When the boss and the skater are together, nonchalantly mention the list. You can say something like, "Hey Jim, Skater mentioned that you would be looking for a list of distributors from me. But as I told him, I have to search for it and may not even be able to find it at all. Is there a time you need it by?"

Boom! You're out of the fire and back in the saddle.
Now you can go back to HardlyWorking...