The Professional Brown Nose

These people have kissing ass down to a science. They're quick-witted, conniving manipulators who know exactly how to get the boss to eat out of their hands.
We, the Gurus at …OrHardlyWorking would go as far to say that all suck-ups, brown noses and butt kissers (or whatever else you want to call them) are the equivalents of Smegal and Gollum.
One moment they seem supportive and sweet; the next they’re tearing into raw fish and trying to steal what’s yours!

This type of co-worker is extremely dangerous. They believe success can only come by kissing the boss’s ass and making you look bad!
It may be difficult to recognize those who prefer to wear kneepads on their way up the corporate ladder, so we have put together a list that will help you identify these losers.

1. No matter what their true opinion about any given subject is, ass-kissers will ALWAYS agree with the boss. Even if they just got through making a statement, they will immediately change what they said if the boss disagrees.

Example: You, your boss and the suck-up are chatting about the team’s upcoming presentation . Brown-nose states he prefers making power point presentations. The boss asks you what you prefer. You say, “I hate slides.” The boss then says, “Me too. I am a narrative type of guy, aren’t you?” (looking at you.) You answer truthfully, “Yes. I am.”
Brown-nose then says, “I think I’ll do this as a narrative.”

3. They act like bellhops. When the manager walks into a common area during employee lunch hour, the brown-nose will be the only person to throw down his sandwich and jump up out his chair to stand at attention and ask the boss if she needs anything from him, because his lunch can wait, since he wasn’t all that hungry to begin with.

2. Brown-noses spend a lot of time in the boss’s office tattle-telling. They like to “visit” the manager often and will tell you they just have to hand her something in person, but somehow the “handoff” lasts for a good 10-15 minutes. Then to your surprise, you get an email from your supervisor 10 minutes after Brownie returns to her cube. In the email from your boss, you discover you are chewing your gum too loudly and it is disturbing some of your co-workers. Brownie is the only person close enough to hear you chew.

4. Whenever the boss is around, the suck-up will get super helpful to you all of a sudden, especially if you’re the new hire. Once the manager leaves the room, or is out of ear shot, the brownie leaves you hanging.

5. They always say YES to the boss, no matter how much work they have on their plates. Sadly, they are very good at getting other people to help them out, yet they NEVER acknowledge those who lent a hand. Instead, they take all the credit.

BONUS TIP -----> Many times Brown-noses double as Skaters. (see Skater entry from Aug 31)

Hope these tips helped. Visit us again, and bring your friends. Make sure you share your tips in the comment box. We’re sure you veteran brown-nose spotters have some good ones.

-The OHW Gurus