Morning Alter-Egos

Contributed by NikCee

You’re either one or the other.

You’re either one of those happy-go-lucky morning people that sing their hellos and skip as they walk. Or you’re one of those that would prefer giving a hip-hop inspired head nod to those you come in contact with. I’m the latter. I don’t mean to be that evil bitch first thing in the morning, but I am. I mean…after double digits, I’m fine. I’m awake, I’m ready to hear my desk phone ring and not curse it, I’m ready to answer questions, I’m ready to tackle random, meaningless small talk.

Before then? Forget about it.

They say it takes caffeine 30 minutes to begin working in your system. On my way in to work—note: I drive to work alone; I do not carpool, so it’s just the radio and me. I have my travel mug of coffee and the occasional snack. Once I arrive, I’m still enjoying my alone time, so if I’m pulling in with someone else, I do what I call the “fake search”. In order to let that person get out of their car and get to the garage elevator, I pretend to search for something in my purse or in the backseat. OR I pretend that I have to make a phone call.

I’d much rather not even ride the elevators with people in the morning because you have to participate in that obligatory morning small talk. Don't even dare not give paragraph-worthy answers, because then it’s perceived that something’s wrong. NO! Nothing’s wrong—I just don’t WANT to TALK this early in the morning. I smile, nod and give short answers, if possible. Then I usually have to explain that I’m not a morning person. That of course, opens up a whole new can of worms. Then, they have to bring up some random person in their life that also doesn’t “do mornings”. All the while, you’re looking at this person like, “do you realize you’re STILL talking?” It just generates even MORE conversation. Pass.

Once I manage to make it inside the building and to my desk—throwing head nods all the way, ducking & dodging that loud morning person I might run into, I have a right to want to get in and get settled, right? I like to take off my coat, put my purse down, log into my computer, check emails (work & non-work), check blogs, etc. I don’t want anybody addressing me with work-related matters with my purse still in hand or coat still on my back. If I’m in nice and early, I tiptoe into my cube to avoid having that awkward morning mash-up with the early bird of the office. It’s all fine & dandy until she has to make a fax, then she’s up in my territory and can hear me clicking away on my keyboard. And so it begins.

To avoid this, I've tried to gauge which time I should arrive to work. If I try coming extra early, I find that I get a good head start on the day, get into a good groove of things, ALONE, but then when everyone gets in, the whole “good morning” charade interrupts my productivity (or lack thereof). If I come in a little later, I arrive WITH them and my morning gets off to a slow start. Do I roll with the old adage, “if you can’t beat em, join em”? Nope! I let them do their thing and STFU in my cubicle until about 11 am.

Some office people can’t deal with silence or just the sound of keyboards. They have to talk, whether it’s to their computer or equipment or if it’s something random and irrelevant that they say to you over the cubicle wall (Thank goodness I don’t work in one of those cubicle-less offices—I DO need my privacy and would rather not look at some of these people). I won’t even get started on LOUD co-workers. Or the ones that enter the office loudly exclaiming, “It’s so quiet in here!” That’s a whole ‘nother blog entry.

It’s all smiles & giggles at 4 or 5 pm, when it’s quittin' time for me. Ironically, that’s when those annoying morning people are quietly dragging. It’s a complete role reversal. It’s pretty funny, too. My energy completely picks up. The nap I was daydreaming about doesn’t even matter anymore. Oh well, at least I have that short amount of time to NOT deal with office melodramas and get myself together…just do it all over again the next day.

Good Morning! (NOT)