Unwanted Shoulder Massages

I hope everyone reading this entry celebrated and enjoyed the Holiday Season in every way. I truly enjoyed mine. And now, I'm back in the office.

One beautiful thing about the Holidays are people using up the last but of their vacation time to be at home with their families. It's quiet here. But somehow, someway, my morning went terribly weird.

I'm just a man, an awesome man who hardly works when I arrive at my desk. Barely anyone is here. Those who are here though, are equipped with bullhorns or something. They want everybody to know they're here.

One of my co-workers, a 64 year old ex-douche bag, all thanks to the Lord, decided that he didn't want to just say "Good Morning." He decided to walk up behind my chair and proceed to give me a shoulder massage. I worked with this man for 10 years. We greet one another. But I steer clear of douche residue. He digs into my shoulders...

"Sir, I do NOT need a massage."

"Huh, what."

"Dude, stop massaging my shoulders."

"Oh, my mistake. I could sure go for a massage so I thought I'd give one out." He laughed. I didn't.

I don't know what went down in his home yesterday. All I know is an unwanted massage wasn't a part of the 12 Days of Christmas gift list. Plus, it's no longer Christmas. I almost had a clean and clear WORKation day. May you have a shoulder massage free day.

Happy Holidays from all of us at OHW!

To those of you at work today,
And the lucky ones that are home,
Christmas is a day of togetherness,
And thanks to you, we are not alone.
We started this blog six months ago,
Full of spirit and high hopes,
We ranted about brown nosed coworkers, stolen parking spaces and you took notes.
Noses were picked, gas was passed, copiers broken down,
Sex was had in the parking lot,
And his salary immediately went down.
We thank you for your support,
Or Hardly Working has taken flight,
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all may your workload be light!

Guru Rant: Really? Our Christmas Tree is ugly?

Ok, so we have this tradition in our office of putting up the artificial Christmas Tree with all the trimmings. This isn't a mandatory deal for everybody, more of a show of unity between a bunch of broke people that can't afford to do a $25 Polly-Anna, or however that's spelled.

Well, one of our floor inhabitants decided that she was the Simon Cowell of Christmas Trees, yesterday. Mind you, I wasn't in the office yesterday because I am hardly working these days. But do you know that this woman that clearly doesn't have a life at home and Tiger probably would've cheated on if she was 25 years younger, had the nerve to come to our area and say that our tree looked like she did? Well she didn't say that exactly. She just said that our tree was ugly.

Are you kidding me? Is this what she calls being in the Christmas Spirit; critiquing an office tree?

Look, I beg of you, to be on the lookout for 'Lifers'. These are the people that obviously aren't getting any attention at home. Their lives revolve around their jobs and they wonder why their life at home revolves around going back to work. I just want to let you know that 'lifers' don't have sex either. If they did, they sure wouldn't be telling people that their Christmas tree is ugly.

So in closing, if you are in a marriage or a long running relationship that is failing you on a sexual level, you better work that out and fast. Because you just might be walking around the office, telling people that their tree is ugly, so to speak, and don't even know it.