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Showing posts with label lounge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lounge. Show all posts

May 24, 2010

...Or Hardly Working Rewind: Who ate my lunch?


Just the other day was proof to me that karma does exist. Wow, well it was my lunch time and I was as hungry as a North Korean detainee. I was thinking about my frozen dinner something serious. The noodles, the juicy white chicken, the cheese sauce, mmmmm that Stouffers. I walked into the lounge with a huge smile on my face that was interrupted by a familiar smell in the air. It was a fresh smell from the microwave. My first thought was that someone bought the same frozen meal from home that I did. Well until I looked in the freezer and saw that my box, that had my name in permanent black marker, was gone from the place I left it. I moved everything around in the freezer and still didn't see it. Wow, I couldn't believe that I was possibly smelling my own meal in the air.

I looked in the garbage and saw a paper towel on top. I moved the paper towel and there it was... an empty box with my name on it. I'm not the type to become angry so quickly, but I was irate. How could someone steal my meal? It was a day before payday, so I didn't have the extra funds to replace it (well I did, but it was the principle). I walked back to my office area dejected, disappointed and distraught. I was waiting for someone to ask what was wrong with me. And once my supervisor asked, I went ballistic.

"How the **** could someone eat a lunch with my name on it," I screamed. "Who would do some **** like that? I smelled my lunch lingering in the air!"

I was on fire. I sent out an email to everybody on the floor. I wanted the world to know that someone stole my lunch. I just didn't think that I'd get 20 replies full of stories about other people having their items stolen. One person found their carton of milk full of water by the time they got to it. People were stopping by my office, telling me more stories, and vowing that they'd find the serial lunch snatcher.

About an hour later, I was standing in the lounge with a colleague when she saw a woman walk in and throw away a black microwavable bowl. She asked the woman what it was and the look on her face became suspicious. So I walked over to the trash can and saw the bowl with minor evidence of my meal in it.

"It was YOU," I said. "You ate my lunch didn't you?"

"No, I didn't eat your lunch," she said. "I found this bowl on the floor in the hallway so I picked it up and brought it in here."

"Really, on the floor," I asked. "Where on the floor was it? People were looking everywhere. You ate my lunch. And wait, is that alcohol I smell on your breath? Don't tell me you ate my lunch so you could buy a few drinks at the bar."

"I didn't eat your lunch," she said with a cracked voice. She walked away while I stood there shaking my head. Damn, my colleagues won't believe this when I tell them, I thought. Do you?


Jul 23, 2009

The (S)talker: You Can't Escape the Inevitable

Do you find yourself creeping around the cubicle maze, trying to keep your height below the teal green walls, hoping that you will not be...

"Hey, let me tell you about what my husband did last night," says the (S)talker.

Every office has one... if you have more than one, we feel for you. The (S)talker (stalker + talker) is the co-worker that can't get enough of telling the same story, word for word to any person that gives eye contact for more than .001 of a second. They are fearless, cunning, and down right annoying. The (S)talker has no sense of time or work schedule for themself, but they know your every move - from car to building, from elevator to office, from desk to lounge, from lunch and back.

The (S)talker is relentless to a point that if you are on your phone, they will hover around until you hang up and immediately hop into a story about their poison ivy covered kids, Stetson drenched husband, nagging wives and family vacations that you can't afford to go on.

There is no escape. If you try to walk to the copier, they'll follow you. If you are in the middle of a conversation, they'll hop in off topic and shut it down. If you are microwaving your lunch, they'll pop up right behind you to say that Healthy Choice is a better frozen food brand than what you're about to eat and that her daughter went through a menstrual cycle for the first time over the weekend.

Let's face it, Batman couldn't hold a candle up to the ninja-like skills the (S)talker possesses. However, we at OrHardlyWorking came up with a few ways to delay your (S)talker from talking about how their son bowled a 215 with his lucky red jammies on.

  • The Tag-Team method - since the (S)talker is pretty loud in telling their stories, one of your tag-team partners could call you on the phone, and you could act like a work emergency just came up. Please leave the area immediately without many words. "I gotta Go" should be enough

I know, only one tip. We wish we had more tips, but boy are these (S)talkers some crafty SOB's...

Tell us about the (S)talkers in your office area, and how do you get rid of them...