Every day, every single day, I am humbled by the use of the elevator. I am quite thrilled by the snug, personal ride with total strangers that have their early morning and late day quirks that make my daily rides up and down worthwhile. (Peep the sarcasm going on, it’s melodic.)
Do you want to know what burns me up? Crammers! These are the people that believe there is enough room for them to squeeze into the small metal box. To them, one foot of space is golden and the discomfort is only temporary. To me, I am twisting and climbing over people to get out and wait for the next elevator. No, I am not claustrophobic. I am more Billyphobic and choose not to have anybody’s hind parts or fore parts forced upon me. And what if I am holding a bag full of steaming hot breakfast, just dangling at stranger-cheek level? Need I say more?
You can dodge crammers by keeping a tab on these metal box offenders. Crammers don’t just up and change their ways. They will cram every chance they get. And if not them, there might be a co-crammer on the elevator, ready and willing to say, “C’mon, there’s enough room, we can make room for you.” Damn co-crammer, you are NOT the captain of the elevator.
My suggestion is while waiting for an elevator, take a look at the pack of people walking towards you. Make a choice on which pack you’d like to spend the next few minutes with. If you are claustrophobic, I suggest you stand closest to the door as others climb on. This way, you have the freedom to get off the elevator when capacity is reached.
I beseech you, do not stand next to the floor grid during a cram job. You already don’t want to be at work in the first place. Imagine how you’ll feel when every person that walks onto the elevator “politely” asks you to press their floor number. Only Guru’s back away from the floor grid and give the person requesting their floor number to be pushed, a look that says, “Hardly!”
Do you want to know what burns me up? Crammers! These are the people that believe there is enough room for them to squeeze into the small metal box. To them, one foot of space is golden and the discomfort is only temporary. To me, I am twisting and climbing over people to get out and wait for the next elevator. No, I am not claustrophobic. I am more Billyphobic and choose not to have anybody’s hind parts or fore parts forced upon me. And what if I am holding a bag full of steaming hot breakfast, just dangling at stranger-cheek level? Need I say more?
You can dodge crammers by keeping a tab on these metal box offenders. Crammers don’t just up and change their ways. They will cram every chance they get. And if not them, there might be a co-crammer on the elevator, ready and willing to say, “C’mon, there’s enough room, we can make room for you.” Damn co-crammer, you are NOT the captain of the elevator.
My suggestion is while waiting for an elevator, take a look at the pack of people walking towards you. Make a choice on which pack you’d like to spend the next few minutes with. If you are claustrophobic, I suggest you stand closest to the door as others climb on. This way, you have the freedom to get off the elevator when capacity is reached.
I beseech you, do not stand next to the floor grid during a cram job. You already don’t want to be at work in the first place. Imagine how you’ll feel when every person that walks onto the elevator “politely” asks you to press their floor number. Only Guru’s back away from the floor grid and give the person requesting their floor number to be pushed, a look that says, “Hardly!”
2 comments:
i like to fart in the elevator and get off, leaving the rest of the riders to suffer in the aftermath!!! MUUHAHAHAHAHAAA
Ooh!! I detest those people who charge the elevator doors as soon as they open, not letting you get OFF first!! Dammit to hell, why would you push me back to the BACK of the elevator, just for me to play the "excuse me" game to get out the damn door??
I also hate having to maintain smalltalk when it's just you and 1 or 2 other people on the elevator. Just because we're in this small space together, doesn't mean we have to have smalltalk. All I want to do is say "Hi", maybe even do a head nod, and keep it movin.
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