Guru Rant: All out of (Pot)Luck

Maybe I am not a team player. Maybe I choose to dance to the beat of my own drum in a hectic work environment. Maybe I am blogging you this message during a mediocre PowerPoint presentation. Whatever the case might be with me, I do know one thing for sure, "I will not be participating in the office Potluck in honor of Thanksgiving!"

I can understand the "family" message that our floor committee is trying to convey. (Since we work with each other more than we see the people who actually matter.) But these people are not "real family." I resent the way they want everybody inthe office "family" to bring in a dish, eat together and talk together.

This guru is totally against that for these reasons:

1: If I have never been in your kitchen at home, I will NOT eat your goods. The last thing I need to eat is dog hair potato salad with snotty child spinach dip.

2: If I don't like you, I will NOT eat your goods. So if you somehow dumped your work on me and took credit for it, we are NOT cool and I will not eat your "I've last cleaned my oven about 10 years ago" Macaroni and Cheese.

Last but certainly not least, flu season and the Holiday season goes hand-in-hand. And speaking of hands, how often do you wash yours? I've stood in the bathroom and witnessed coworkers going from the seat, directly out the door without one ounce of water hitting their crappy hands! (Pun could be intended depending on your mood). So sorry, I will NOT eat your H1N1-chip cookies.

Remember, OHW family, you are playing Russian Roulette by attending the stupid office Potluck with your coworkers. So proceed with extreme caution.

I have to get back to work... Hardly!!!

My boss is a nose picker

Im sitting in a meeting with my boss and things start off innocently enough with a light scratch to the nose. Then as the meeting progresses, so does my boss's finger -- right up his nose!

It doesnt stop there. Next thing you know, he's pinching something and rolling whatever he got in his grasp between his thumb and forefinger.

GROSS

What do I do when I see him do this? He does it all the time. In the office, on the shuttle, at my desk... the madness never ends. Im so tempted to give him a tissue.

One thing for sure, I will NEVER EVER shake his hand. Or accept food from him.

Grooming your self at work: A MAJOR no-no

One of the biggest faux pas and annoying things people do in the workplace is groom themselves.
That stuff should be done in private. Noone, and I do mean NO ONE wants to see how you make yourself look the way you do. It should remain a mystery!
Don't clip your nails at your desk. Don't brush your hair, or teeth. (Yes, people brush at their desks)

I think it's reasonable to straighten your tie, or don a little gloss- even put lotion on your hands, but all the rest can be done at home, or in the bathroom.

I hate to hear the nail clippers snapping while I'm trying to work. I don't want to think about having to navigate through your trail of nail clippings strewn about the floor. (You know these people don't even have the courtesy to clip over the trash can)

Then there are the public flossers! Good grief! Mr./Ms. DISGUSTING, have you any manners, or home training at all?

It's a wonder you got this far up the ladder.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for good grooming, and keeping up one's appearance, but give us a break! I, nor do any of the co-workers in the office, want to know the intimate details of your hygiene routine.

We are grateful that you want to be at your best, but do us all a favor. Keep it in the closet.

Thank you,

the gurus at ...orhardlyworking