Vacate from Talking about your Vacations

Must I really start off this message by saying that, “Times are Hard?!” If a person hasn’t lost their job these days, more than likely their hours have been cut or their salaries have been furloughed. And if it is not your coworker, maybe it’s their spouse that hit economic troubles. You just don’t know these days. A loss of a job could equal out to a loss of healthcare. And who’s to say that your coworker that depended on their spouses’ healthcare can afford to pick up the slack. Yet-in-still, you want to talk about your previous or future vacation to every person in your sights.

Really though, must everybody hear about how many points you’ve saved up from your trips across country and the world abroad? Must we hear about the car service that picked you up from the hotel and drop you off on white sand beaches with violinist awaiting your arrival? What if I’m broke? What if I could barely afford to get back and forth to work? Yet you are blocking off the exit to my cube so I could hear about you learning how to belly dance.

I get it. I’m supposed to be happy for you. You went off on a 14-day cruise of the Mediterranean, and you just wanted to share your experiences. Cool, I get that. But it is when you are talking about your next trip, and how your husband travels all the time; so now a 7 day trip will only be charged for 2 of those days. Wow, won’t you open up your eyes. I lost a lot of weight huh… well maybe because I’m not eating as much, because I can’t afford to! You should think about whom you are talking to… when was the last time you saw this person take a vacation? Never, right? But you are going on and on about clear waters and tropical fish.

How about this… how about you go and sit your ass down somewhere before you get cursed out by your stressed out coworker. Stop being self consumed. What, you don’t believe that talking to a person that lives in an apartment, about the next house you’re about to buy, is wrong? And you wonder why nobody wants to spend their 60 minute lunch with you. Be considerate of others…

The chronic nail clipper

Even though it happens almost every day, I'm always surprised to hear that sound. Im always taken back because first of all, I think its disgusting and rude, and second, I don't think it should be done in the office, yet I hear it all the time. What am I talking about?

NAIL CLIPPING!

I absolutely HATE to hear someone clipping their nails in the office. One of my coworkers clips his nails nearly every day! I always think to myself, "How many nails does this man have? Is he clipping his toenails too?"

What's so difficult about going to the bathroom? I can't see the guy because he sits behind me, but I bet my last dollar that he isnt even clipping them over the trash can either! YUCK. I think what creeps me out so much is the visual. I simply think that is something that should happen at HOME, not at WORK around people. Ewwwww

Oh, before I forget-- Last week while I was downstairs in the little shoppette, guess what I discovered the lady at the register doing? CLIPPING HER NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They sell fresh sandwiches and stuff in that shoppette. I was appalled and I told the manager that that was nasty. He just shrugged.

Im grossing myself out, so Im going to end this post.

-Sha'ahn the Guru

Workplace Dilemmas

So you did it, you have landed the job that you’ve always wanted. Alternatively, maybe you are just working to pay the bills and only care about being paid. Either way while you are coasting along you don’t for one minute think about having your morals questioned. In a perfect world, all you would have to worry about is just going to work, working and then going home with no drama in between.

Have you ever been pressured to do something unethical or thought of something yourself that is more than likely questionable? For some taking a few envelopes, a box of staples or a ream or two of paper is no big deal. How many of us have been guilty for pocketing a few pens every now and then? We feel that no one will notice and leave it at that. We don’t usually advance to casing supply closets. However, for the ones that are faced with more difficult decisions there are a few things you can ask yourself if you are unsure of which side of the law you want to stay on.

You should definitely ask yourself what the consequences are. If you decide to do something unethical, immoral, or illegal you might want to weigh the repercussions before you make any decisions.

If you have to ask yourself if it’s legal than it probably isn’t. When an idea seems shady from the beginning than nine times out of ten the outcome will not be favorable. Not to mention there is a good chance its bad if it could land you in jail.

The effect that it will have on how people will perceive you is also an important consideration to mull over before making any decisions. You might end up being the coworker that cannot be trusted and perhaps seen as disloyal. Either way giving in to the temptation of doing something that can be considered as unethical or not, is a decision that should not be made lightly.

And remember: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. (Couldn't help adding that in)

Guru Rant: Stuck Up Strangers

photo courtesy of unfocusedmike

Okay OHW readers, I have a dilemma I need help with. Before I ask the question, let me lay out the goings on of this morning for you.

I arrive to work early, and park. Just as I am about to get out of the car, another car pulls in. She saw me when I first pulled in, yet she did not wait for me to get out before she slid in next to me. Instead, I had to wait for her to park her car before I could open my door and get out of mine!

Anyway, she gets out and walks by without saying anything, which was fine with me, because Im not a morning person. Don't care for early AM conversations. I thought she might at least say hello, or good morning though, just because we were getting out of our cars at the same time, right next to each other...She's about three-five steps ahead of me, and reaches our office building door. She buzzes in and does not hold the door open for me.

Im thinking, "Wow! This woman knows Im right behind her." So, we are standing waiting for the elevator, and the doors nearest me open first, so I get in first. I press my floor and she says, "Two please." I hesitate to press "2" because Im thinking, "I know this woman is not ordering me like Im the elevator operator!!!"

But I go ahead and hit her floor. As she's getting off, she says, "Have a nice day."

I'm too dumbfounded and PISSED to say anything back. Dumbfounded because her greeting surprised the hell out of me, and pissed because she didn't ask me to press the button, she commanded me to do so. As I mentioned, I didnt respond.

She gets off the elevator, turns around and mumbles something. I think it was, "Bye".

Question for you: Was I wrong to offer this chick the cold shoulder and not wish her a good morning in return?

Guru Rant: Ummm, NO! I do Not have an extra Tampon

Sometimes I really wonder about people's upbringing; hometraining so to speak. I mean when did it become okay to ask me for a sanitary napkin or tampon? I don't know you like that! This girl who sits a few cubes away from me had the audacity to ask EVERY female on our floor for a pad!

I understand if she asks her work buddies, but not complete strangers. It looks bad. Im thinking, okay maybe she doesnt have a few bucks to run to 7-11. The firm no longer stocks the little vending machine in the Ladie's Room, but they haven't done that in years anyway, so that's no excuse for old girl. She is just unprepared, and letting everybody know about it.
And the visual, puhlease!!!
This morning she had the nerve to complain about being rundown in the parking lot by a woman waving a package of tampons in her face. She said the woman was shouting, "I have these for you, so you don't get caught out there like you did yesterday!" She said she was so embarrassed. I looked at her in disbelief. How can this incident embarrass you, but running around to everyone's desk yesterday didnt bother you one bit?
Backwards people make me angry.

The New Boss

How many times have you wished your boss would just disappear? Perhaps go on a long vacation or get lost on the way to work never to be seen again? We have all been there a time or two. So what happens when your wish comes true and there is a new person that you have to report to? Supervisors usually have the ability to make or break your career and getting off on the right foot with a new boss is crucial. Making a good impression is much more than bringing an apple to work with you or ensuring that the boss has extra croutons in her salad. Here are a few tips to help with the transition of dealing with a new supervisor.

Patience
You were once the new person on the job also. Remember it took a while for you to become acclimated to your position as well as get a feel for your place within the company, and the same can be said for your supervisor.

Keep An Open Mind
Flexibility is necessary when dealing with new coworkers and a new boss. He or she may be used to running an office differently than what you are used to. Try not to write them off too quickly if ideas begin to conflict. Be open to change.

Establish Expectations
Sit down and talk to your boss about what they expect of you. Make sure that there are no misunderstandings in regards to your job functions.

Be Supportive
Remember that your supervisor’s success is your success. Offer your insight when it comes to certain areas where you excel. Be your supervisor’s go-to-person.

Break Down Your Defenses
Do not get into a power struggle with you new boss. Not all constructive criticism is constructive; it can sometimes be misconstrued as destructive.

Dealing with a new boss is just like any new relationship, trust and honesty is critical to building a healthy new working relationship. You must realize that the way things worked in the past will not always work going forward and change is very necessary. Learning to roll with the punches will aid in helping this new transition run smoothly.

The Gurus at OrHardlyWorking would like to hear your stories. Please share any tips or stories in the comment section, or send an email to: orhardlyworking@gmail.com

What Not to Discuss at Work

Many would like to think that the friends they make at work are true friends. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Have you ever told a coworker/friend about either a problem you had with your boss or something of a personal matter, then come to find out they told the entire office including your boss? The truth of the matter is this type of situation is more common than you might think. Needless to say this last US election assisted in showing the true colors of employees and employers alike which brings me to my first example of what not to discuss:

1. Politics

Political discussions in the workplace are a guaranteed rabble rouser. Whether you are discussing the election of the president, congress, senators or what person should head the yearly bake sale, political discussions are not a good idea.

2. Family Issues

The need to vent concerning family discord is understandable but you don’t want your family problems casting a dim light on you with regard to your coworkers. The fact that your nephew was arrested yet again is no one’s business but yours and your family's. They may assume that you will not be able to focus on your work. Whether you are an authoritative figure or a subordinate, any sign of weakness is not a good sign.

3. Religion

Religion has always been a sensitive subject. Just as some may tire of people knocking at their door at 7am on a Saturday morning others may not want to hear your views regarding your beliefs. Telling someone “they’ve got to believe in something, why not believe in me” is a sure way to turn a friend into a foe.

4. Health Issues

Unless it is a discussion with your boss about the time off that you may require, keep the problems with your health to yourself. Your bunions or corns are of no importance to anyone else.

5. Sex Life

There should be no explanation needed, not too mention some may misconstrue what you have to say as a form of sexual harassment. If you and your partner are swingers, we are happy for you, but keep it to yourself. (Unless your shagging the boss. In that case, please share the juicy details!!!)

6. Offensive Jokes and Off-Color Remarks

You may not agree with someone’s sexual preference or you may have a problem with their ethnicity. You have every right to your opinion but this example goes right up there with religion and is a topic you should keep to yourself. Even though you think some may share your views, you could be wrong and certain comments may cost you your job.

7. Salary or Career Aspirations

Discussing salary may or may not be a violation of company policy. Either way, no one needs to know the how many zeroes are after the comma on your paycheck. Discussing your career aspirations is also not a good idea. Some may tend to question your loyalty if you divulge certain information such as advancement or being unsatisfied in your current position. If you want to talk career advancement with your boss make sure they know you mean advancement within the company.

There are certainly more topics that are considered taboo. The Gurus at Orhardlyworing would like to know what you think. Feel free to add to the list in the comment section.

Parkin Lot Lovin' part deux

Now I’m sure we have all worked with someone that we have found attractive. Maybe you two flirted a little, exchanged curious glances or even engaged in some naughty workplace behavior. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

It doesn't as long as you make it YOUR business to keep it professional in the workplace.

There is no need to bring the trials and tribulations of your love life to the 11am meeting in the conference room. Your coworkers do not need to hear you singing lyrics from another sad love song while watching you snotting, crying and basically making an ass out of yourself.

Random outbursts and screaming matches have no place in the office unless it is Football Season and you and your coworkers are having a healthy debate on why your team is better than theirs.

As long as there's a mutual understanding about what your relationship status is and means, workplace romances can be fun and actually make you want to go to work everyday. So here are a few tips from the Gurus of OrHardlyWorking to keep it clean, exciting and more importantly, employed:

1. Do not use the copier for your own personal sex tryst documenting photo shoot.


2. If you're fortunate enough to have your own office, remember to always lock the door during quickies.


3. Stay off of your boss's desk.


4. If you’re going to have some lunchtime boogie in the car, you might want to leave the parking lot so the security guards and/or cameras don’t catch you.


5. Remember, skirts are our friends.


6. This one is for ladies in particular; Do not try and date everyone in your office. Being the office door knob is not cute. Men, you know you have a little more room here, but still-- male or female, noone wants the office whore .


7. Freshen up before going back to work. Baby wipes and body spray works wonders for those hot spots. And don't forget your neck.


8. Stay off your boss’s desk! (We can’t stress that enough)

If you stick to these tested, tried (Yes, we've tried them out) and true tips for success, you too can have a secret office romance, fling or both. Feel free to add to the list or share your own stories.

Why do people always choose to talk to me when I'm clearly BUSY???

I hate it when I'm at work, and people see me furiously slaying my computer's keyboard, but decide to strike up meaningless conversations anyway.

I have a deadline to make, and here comes Shawn yapping about how I missed meeting his wife and son yesterday when they came to visit him at our office.

Who cares? I don't.

Then there's Janine, who must come up everyday and sit down next to me while I'm working to tell me about her romance woes.

Girl, get a dog!

Oh, and don't forget Russell. He's the resident office whore, and he's been trying to bed me since I started with the company in 2005. Why did I have to have Orientation with him?

The gods must hate me...

If I am not facing you, occasionally nodding my head and giving you a few "uh huh's" and "yeah's" that means I'm just not interested in what you have to say. But alas, some just do not get the hint. One time Janine sat beside my desk for TWENTY minutes talking about her last date and how the guy never called. What did she do wrong?

Do I even care? Nope. I really do not.

I don't know what to do. I need help!!!

Please comment about what you do to ward off unwanted visitors who have nothing better to do than stop you from getting your work done. I could really use the advice. Obviously 'ignore' doesn't seem to be the best answer.

Grooming your self at work: A MAJOR no-no

One of the biggest faux pas and annoying things people do in the workplace is groom themselves.
That stuff should be done in private. Noone, and I do mean NO ONE wants to see how you make yourself look the way you do. It should remain a mystery!
Don't clip your nails at your desk. Don't brush your hair, or teeth. (Yes, people brush at their desks)

I think it's reasonable to straighten your tie, or don a little gloss- even put lotion on your hands, but all the rest can be done at home, or in the bathroom.

I hate to hear the nail clippers snapping while I'm trying to work. I don't want to think about having to navigate through your trail of nail clippings strewn about the floor. (You know these people don't even have the courtesy to clip over the trash can)

Then there are the public flossers! Good grief! Mr./Ms. DISGUSTING, have you any manners, or home training at all?

It's a wonder you got this far up the ladder.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for good grooming, and keeping up one's appearance, but give us a break! I, nor do any of the co-workers in the office, want to know the intimate details of your hygiene routine.

We are grateful that you want to be at your best, but do us all a favor. Keep it in the closet.

Thank you,

the gurus at ...orhardlyworking

Farting in the Workplace

We all have to do it. Sometimes it can't be avoided. You just got to let that gas go.
If you don't, you'll have pains and discomfort., But you don't want to, because of the inevitable embarrassment.

The lucky bastards have offices of their own, and are able to simply shut the door and whistle as they blow.

The rest of us, more often than not, belong to the cubicle nation, and share close quarters with several other people.

We, the gurus of ...OrHardlyWorking have compiled a guide to letting go without endangering yourself of being let go. Check it out, and give these babies a try. We guarantee you won't be disappointed. (at least, we hope you won't be disappointed)

1. Walk to the water cooler, and slowly let the gas go. This way, if it is particularly foul smelling, no one will know who did it, or when.

2. Let it go quickly, then spray a squirt or two of body spray or cologne. If you don't have either of these items, use hand sanitizer. Just squeeze a big dollop onto your palm, but don't rub it in until it evaporates! Rub it into your palms enough to ensure it doesn't fly out of your hands, and then fan your area around your chair. The air will smell like alcohol. (This also works with fragranced hand lotion)

3. Choose a place to sit, or stand. Let the gas seep out slowly, then when you are done, quickly walk away.

4. Go into the bathroom to let it out. (This only works if you feel it coming on and have time to get to the restroom. Otherwise, just do a variation of #1)

5. Fart and fan, fart and fan. You can fan your nether regions with a folder. It works best if you fan upward and out to disperse the gas.

6. If you don't think you can let it go quietly, simply cough loudly and let 'er rip! That way, you cover up the noise. If you happen to have one of those sneaky ones just pop out without warning, simply adjust yourself in your chair roughly causing your chair to squeak. A squeaky chair is great camouflage for breaking wind.

7. If noise and not smell is your dilemma, simply part the cheeks. The reason breaking wind makes noise is because the gas released from your body causes friction between the glutes. If possible, part the cheeks, and be sound free. If you're sitting down, you can slide one hand under one of your glutes and simply pull it outward. Works like a charm.

8. Play the blame game. You can always wrinkle up your nose and state that you smell something foul. Of course the "Whoever smelt it, dealt it" rule applies, and your coworkers will probably suspect you are the stinky culprit.

9. Keep a Glad sandwich container with old, rotten food in your desk drawer. When you have to let one loose, simply take the top off, and exclaim, "Oh my God! I can not believe I left this in my desk. It stinks to high heaven. I'm throwing this away right now!" You'll have to put up with the smell of whatever's in there (tuna is a good one), but at least you can take the office's noses off you! (Be sure not to throw away the container. You can always use that one again.)

If you don't like the idea of rotten food in your drawer, try peanut butter. That is an excellent source of gas-covering capability.

Hey! There's no reason to get all backed up , and your intestines tied in a knot because you are afraid to let go. Remember, the doctor says keeping in gas is bad for you. So follow the guide and you can cut the cheese all day. No one will ever be the wiser.