Are They Talking Bout Me???

Guess what happened to me at work last week? I went to use the restroom nearest my cubicle, but found that it was being cleaned by Housekeeping. I decided to go to the bathroom one floor up, which is on the same floor as my manager's office.

When I got there, I found that it was going to take longer than I thought. (Im not gonna gross you out by telling you what I had to do!!!)


Anyway, I hunker down in the stall farthest from the door. After about three minutes, I hear the main door open. I decide to take my time, because I didnt want whoever was in there to know I was the cause of the not so pleasant smell lingering in the air!



After about thirty seconds, the restroom door opens again, and I realize that before that second door opening, I hadn't heard a stall door creak, or clothes rustling. That was my first clue that something was up, so I get quiet, and pray my body doesn't betray me.



I hear greetings being exchanged and I realize it was my manager and one of my co-workers. The girl is a nosey one who sits a cube behind me, and she's always in everyone's business. Just last month I sent out an E-invitation for my annual BBQ, and this busybody read every single response! How do I know? Because she walked up behind me while I was at my desk banging away at the keyboard and made casually remarks, "I guess I'm the last to know." I don't even turn around before asking, "Last to know what?" She doesn't respond, so I'm forced to turn around to face her. She peers over her glasses and says, "I guess I'm the last to know you're dating Grant." I look at her in confusion. "Huh?" She folds her arms across her chest and sighs, "I saw what he wrote in response to your invitation. He said he was definitely coming, "BEAUTIFUL." Why would Grant call you beautiful if you guys weren't an item or something?"


It took all my strength not to strangle that meddling idiot. I took a deep breath before replying, "Just because he called me beautiful doesn't mean we are a couple. And anyway, are you saying you read EVERY reply in the list of responses?" She looks at me, and shrugs her shoulders. "Yes, I did. Is there something wrong with that?" I just turn back around to face my computer, put on my headphones and turn the volume of my iPod Nano up full blast.



SO now that I realize who is in the bathroom with my boss, I quietly draw my legs up, and lean back against the wall.

After a brief pause, Miss Busybody says in a hushed tone, "Mrs. Brown, what did you want to know about Sasha?" Mrs. Brown replies, "I'm thinking of giving her more responsibility around the office, but not sure whether she is capable of taking on a heavier workload. Since you keep a finger on the pulse of the office, and being you are so close to her, maybe you could clue me in about Sasha's work habits."



(They're talking about me! Oh wow. Maybe I should have been nicer to Nosey.)



"Mrs. Brown, I try to always mind my own affairs in the work place. You know that don't you?" (Wish I could see the look on Brown's face at that BS.) Mrs. Brown clears her throat and says, "Of course! But you do sit directly behind Sasha, so tell me what you know."


"True," Nosey says.



(At this point I'm holding my breath. What is this woman going to say about me? I barely ever talk to her. She doesn't know anything about me, or how I handle business. "Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?")



"To be honest, Sasha is very quiet. I haven't heard anything about her being a slacker or anything. As a matter of fact, I think she is pretty good to go because if she missed deadlines or rubbed people the wrong way, I would have heard about it." Mrs. Brown is silent. Then Nosey abruptly says, "I mean, not that I partake in gossip. But I really have not heard any negative things about Sasha. If anything, I would say that girl needs to be a little more social with the rest of us downstairs. But I don't know if that would be a good thing now that she is going to get a promotion and all."



(I couldn't believe my ears. Nosey actually came through for me! I almost fell off the toilet.)



"Wait a minute, don't jump the gun," Mrs. Brown says. "I am not promoting Sasha, just thinking of giving her a little more responsibility. At this point, that is all. OK?" Nosey must have nodded because I hear Mrs. Brown approaching the restroom door.



Then I hear Mrs. Brown's voice: "Thanks for chatting, dear. And please remember to keep this between us."


"No worries Mrs. Brown. You can trust me!"



The door closes and I assume it was Mrs. Brown that left. I sigh with relief. My legs are cramped and just as I'm about to stretch them out, I hear the door of the stall two doors away close and lock. Nosey makes water and says aloud, "I can't wait to tell Jaye and Robin about this! We are going to have a new boss, and a new office romance!"



I guess the heifer didn't believe me about Grant. And if she wants to spread rumors about a promotion, so be it. I can't wait to move up to this floor anyhow.

Top Four Reasons Why Negative Coworkers Suck

1) Negative coworkers are always complaining: Doesn’t matter whether they are having a good day, or a bad day. They will find a reason to complain. Case in point: My coworker made a ton of sales the other day. You know what he did after his last customer left? He complained about how busy he was! “Are you kidding me,” I said. “Be glad you were busy. That means you made money.”

2) Misery loves company: Boy, oh boy. For whatever reasons, negative people love to get you on their side and love it when you begin complaining with them. It’s not enough for them to come to you when you’re all minding your business and happy, getting your work load taken care of. They gotta come to your office/cube and bring that damn angry gray cloud.

3) They like to get in your head and sabotage your game: I don’t know about your profession, but I work in sales, and I swear the most negative people in this industry are negative gripers for a reason. It’s to steal your sales. How do they accomplish this? Well, if you aren’t naturally negative or a complainer, they will get in your head and make you negative. They’ll complain about the company and everything under the sun. Then, when you become negative, you’re less productive. That person who got you all in a funk will then make a move to swoop in and take your sales. (The way to combat this is to ask them one question. Say, “If things are so bad, why are you still working here?” That shuts them down every time.)

4) Negative Nancy ain’t going anywhere: These people never go anywhere. They don’t advance up the ladder at the job, but they don’t ever quit either. They love where the position, because they’re usually successful. The thing is they don’t want anyone else to be successful. They’d rather complain about their position and try to hold you back.

My advice? Stay away from these energy vampires. They mean you no good. It’s tough to beat them, so most of us end up joining them. Try not to get sucked in.

Here's what the pros say about dealing with Negative Nancy Coworkers

Learn techniques for how to work with negative coworkers

Give them a gift!

Can you repeat that?

Have you ever worked with someone who was hard of hearing, but didnt want to admit it? Well, I do and let me tell you, it bites! It's so hard not to say, "Sir, you know you have a hearing problem, right?" They try to act like they can hear just as well as everyone else.

We at OHW have worked hard to remain below the radar and come and go to the office without being detected. Those hard of hearing will ruin your anonymity and possibly your whole work day! How? Like this:

1. They force you to speak loud enough for others to hear you through the cube walls
2. They make you repeat yourself so now people are actually able to recognize your voice
3. You can't even have a conversation that isn't related to work because you have to talk so loud, your boss can definitely hear you now

It's so annoying to have to not only repeat myself, but to yell what Im trying to say to a person less than 15 feet away from me. I hate this....

Guru Rant: Stuck Up Strangers

photo courtesy of unfocusedmike

Okay OHW readers, I have a dilemma I need help with. Before I ask the question, let me lay out the goings on of this morning for you.

I arrive to work early, and park. Just as I am about to get out of the car, another car pulls in. She saw me when I first pulled in, yet she did not wait for me to get out before she slid in next to me. Instead, I had to wait for her to park her car before I could open my door and get out of mine!

Anyway, she gets out and walks by without saying anything, which was fine with me, because Im not a morning person. Don't care for early AM conversations. I thought she might at least say hello, or good morning though, just because we were getting out of our cars at the same time, right next to each other...She's about three-five steps ahead of me, and reaches our office building door. She buzzes in and does not hold the door open for me.

Im thinking, "Wow! This woman knows Im right behind her." So, we are standing waiting for the elevator, and the doors nearest me open first, so I get in first. I press my floor and she says, "Two please." I hesitate to press "2" because Im thinking, "I know this woman is not ordering me like Im the elevator operator!!!"

But I go ahead and hit her floor. As she's getting off, she says, "Have a nice day."

I'm too dumbfounded and PISSED to say anything back. Dumbfounded because her greeting surprised the hell out of me, and pissed because she didn't ask me to press the button, she commanded me to do so. As I mentioned, I didnt respond.

She gets off the elevator, turns around and mumbles something. I think it was, "Bye".

Question for you: Was I wrong to offer this chick the cold shoulder and not wish her a good morning in return?

Morning Alter-Egos

Contributed by NikCee

You’re either one or the other.

You’re either one of those happy-go-lucky morning people that sing their hellos and skip as they walk. Or you’re one of those that would prefer giving a hip-hop inspired head nod to those you come in contact with. I’m the latter. I don’t mean to be that evil bitch first thing in the morning, but I am. I mean…after double digits, I’m fine. I’m awake, I’m ready to hear my desk phone ring and not curse it, I’m ready to answer questions, I’m ready to tackle random, meaningless small talk.

Before then? Forget about it.

They say it takes caffeine 30 minutes to begin working in your system. On my way in to work—note: I drive to work alone; I do not carpool, so it’s just the radio and me. I have my travel mug of coffee and the occasional snack. Once I arrive, I’m still enjoying my alone time, so if I’m pulling in with someone else, I do what I call the “fake search”. In order to let that person get out of their car and get to the garage elevator, I pretend to search for something in my purse or in the backseat. OR I pretend that I have to make a phone call.

I’d much rather not even ride the elevators with people in the morning because you have to participate in that obligatory morning small talk. Don't even dare not give paragraph-worthy answers, because then it’s perceived that something’s wrong. NO! Nothing’s wrong—I just don’t WANT to TALK this early in the morning. I smile, nod and give short answers, if possible. Then I usually have to explain that I’m not a morning person. That of course, opens up a whole new can of worms. Then, they have to bring up some random person in their life that also doesn’t “do mornings”. All the while, you’re looking at this person like, “do you realize you’re STILL talking?” It just generates even MORE conversation. Pass.

Once I manage to make it inside the building and to my desk—throwing head nods all the way, ducking & dodging that loud morning person I might run into, I have a right to want to get in and get settled, right? I like to take off my coat, put my purse down, log into my computer, check emails (work & non-work), check blogs, etc. I don’t want anybody addressing me with work-related matters with my purse still in hand or coat still on my back. If I’m in nice and early, I tiptoe into my cube to avoid having that awkward morning mash-up with the early bird of the office. It’s all fine & dandy until she has to make a fax, then she’s up in my territory and can hear me clicking away on my keyboard. And so it begins.

To avoid this, I've tried to gauge which time I should arrive to work. If I try coming extra early, I find that I get a good head start on the day, get into a good groove of things, ALONE, but then when everyone gets in, the whole “good morning” charade interrupts my productivity (or lack thereof). If I come in a little later, I arrive WITH them and my morning gets off to a slow start. Do I roll with the old adage, “if you can’t beat em, join em”? Nope! I let them do their thing and STFU in my cubicle until about 11 am.

Some office people can’t deal with silence or just the sound of keyboards. They have to talk, whether it’s to their computer or equipment or if it’s something random and irrelevant that they say to you over the cubicle wall (Thank goodness I don’t work in one of those cubicle-less offices—I DO need my privacy and would rather not look at some of these people). I won’t even get started on LOUD co-workers. Or the ones that enter the office loudly exclaiming, “It’s so quiet in here!” That’s a whole ‘nother blog entry.

It’s all smiles & giggles at 4 or 5 pm, when it’s quittin' time for me. Ironically, that’s when those annoying morning people are quietly dragging. It’s a complete role reversal. It’s pretty funny, too. My energy completely picks up. The nap I was daydreaming about doesn’t even matter anymore. Oh well, at least I have that short amount of time to NOT deal with office melodramas and get myself together…just do it all over again the next day.

Good Morning! (NOT)

Is it just me, or are the "Sayings of the Day" annoying to you too?

They're everywhere. In email signatures. On bulletin boards, and text message signatures.

I'm talking about the corny "quote of the day," or "words to live by" that people feel everyone else needs to know.

I, for one, am tired of reading them. I don't want to read what you think is wise. Maybe I don't want to know what the "moral lesson of the day is", and maybe, just maybe I do not care to know who you think are the wisest people on the earth.

I mean, most of the quotes come from dead people. Maybe we should just leave them where we find them. For you, they may be jewels, but for me, it's just another unnecessary line of text to read.

The worst is when you have a bulletin board in the office and the resident "enlightened" one must use it for their own personal agendas.

The board is for posting OFFICE information. Maybe a potluck is coming up, or an article was published in the local media about Bob from Accounting's snagging a 20lb. Tuna over the weekend.

It is not the place to preach or teach. Neither is your email, or text message signature.

I don't want to read Hallmark-esque quotes, or so-called inspirational quotes at the end of our correspondence. Your name, alternate email, and phone number is all I expect and SHOULD see when I'm through reading your message.

I feel like I'm forced to read this stuff and I'm fed up with it. I've even seen them on the Starbucks cups and everything. Now I can't even get a Chai Tea Latte without be subjected to someone's random words. I don't even go to Starbucks anymore in an effort to avoid those dumb messages I know will be waiting for me on my cup.

What do you think about this? Am I alone, or do I have some fellow cubicle people behind me on this one?