OHW Presents: Slugging on the H.O.V.

BREAKDOWN
If you live in the Metro DC area then you arent a stranger to the congestion of traffic that will turn a 30-minute commute into a 1.5-2 hour commute at the blink of an eye. The geniuses at V-DOT came up with some extra highway lanes but they are only for cars with at least three passengers. Guess they want to promote carpooling and help out our environment.

WHY I SLUG
After a year of leaving my house at an ungodly hour just to drive 30 miles to the office in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I decided to give "slugging" a try. Slugging allows commuters to ride the HOV lanes without having to organize their own personal carpooling crews. It's simple! Riders (Slugs) park at designated commuter lots and then stand in line to be picked up by drivers (Scrapers) on their way to wherever.

PROS
When I first began slugging, I preferred to "scrape" because I felt safer and more in control of my time. I even joked that I was like a john cruising down the red light district. Sometimes I would start singing, Donna Summer's, "Bad Girls" when I picked slugs up, but many were not amused by my insinuation that they were prostitutes. Even still, I would say, "Toot toot! HAAAA! Beep beep! to friendly riders. They usually got a kick out of that.

THE SWITCH
Although I was most definitely enjoying an easier commute and could leave the house at a decent hour (much later than before) Eventually, I began riding. I found that being a slug did not control my time as much as I thought it would, and the benefits of slugging far outweighed those in scraping. I saved money on gas, wear-and-tear on my car and I wasnt as tired at the end of the workday because I wasnt the one behind the wheel fighting traffic! Oh, and if you're in the market to buy a new car but unsure which one to go with, slugging can definitely help you make up your mind!

CONS
Forrest Gump proclaimed, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!" How true that holds for the life of an HOV slug. I've been in all types of vehicles with many different drivers. There are the ones who drive fast, those who drive too slow; radio listeners, non-radio listeners and then there are the drivers with political agendas. Oy Vey!

HOV ADVENTURES
The life of a slugger is an exciting one and oftentimes can be adventurous. Once I had a very smelly driver. I will never get into that black Mercedes again. And once I rode with a guy in a white Ford Explorer who wouldnt turn on the air conditioning during 90-degree weather!

Yesterday a fellow slug of mine and I got into different cars one behind the other. We (unbeknown to the drivers) had a race. My friend's driver passed us a few times, but in the end my driver was victorious and got me to the commuter lot first! We were texting updates the entire drive and criticizing the way our scrapers drove. And before that, an older lady jumped the line! Boy were people upset! There is an etiquette to slugging and some people simply refuse to follow along.

All in all, I hope I never have to drive on the main road again. I don't miss the longer commute and sitting in traffic all day!

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OHW Presents: "Smelly Meeting," by Voluptuous Enchantress

Our department was 40 people large. Earlier in the day, we held a group lunch featuring Mexican food to celebrate some noxious occasion. The smarter of the bunch avoided the beans for obvious reasons, but a few partook.

Lo and behold, during our group meeting 2 hours later, we are in the executive conference room listening quietly to the Vice President of our department speak, when out of the blue, as in a badly written sitcom what do we hear?
Yeah. A fart. Oh, but this wasn't just an innocent poot that whispered out to be heard by a mere few, but a big, loud and WET nasty fart.

Sad thing about it is that everyone knew who did it because he turned just about as red as a stop sign. No one said anything, and the culprit didn't make any excuses, nor did he excuse himself. He simply put his head down like he was looking at his laptop wishing the stench and embarrassment away, I guess.

He was so embarrassed and all embarrassed for him. Well, except for me and a couple other admins -- we were plain disgusted. I opened a nearby window. I mean, it was refried beans the guy ate!

Everyone near him turned their chairs, noses pointing away from the offender, and the meeting continued on. When the meeting was adjourned Smelly Kelly was the first person to hightail his way out of the boardroom. Everyone else burst out laughing.

Haven't seen him since.


About the author: The Enchantress is a happy, healthy single Black female living in New York City. By profession an Executive Administrative Assistant to the Vice President of a major Pharmaceutical company, her interests include international travel, multi-cultural cooking and learning to becoming a professional chef. She loves Jazz music (Miles Davis is so slept on!!), Neo Soul, reading sappy love stories, horror movies (not gory....just scary), learning anything about Black History, mentoring young Black females about relationships and life and loving
family with all there is to give.


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WE HAVE A WINNER

Our Winner is Voluptuous Enchantress!
Check back tomorrow for her winning essay. It had us rolling!

Miss VE has won a $50 giftcard from Restaurant.com where she can chow down at any restaurant in her area!

Check back for the Enchantress's bio and contest entry!

-The Gurus


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...Or Hardly Working Tip of the Day: Working with The Office Grouch

I think we've all run into this problem, as it's very common. There's always one to every office and unfortunately you may have to actually interact with this person more frequently than you'd like. In either case, I'm talking about the office grump --The "Oscar" of your cubicle block so to speak. How do you handle said party pooper whose always gushing negativity, telling you what he will or will not do, and complaining about every little thing? Below are two scenarios and a few tips to get you through your work day. Hope you find them helpful.

Mr. Grinch is late on an assignment and your boss tells you that you're responsible for collecting it:

1. Do Not Panic: Your first step is to send Mr. Meany an email as soon as you learn your mission. If he doesn't respond in a timely manner, unfortunately this means you will need to confront him. Don't be afraid. Grouches can sense fear and if he gets a whiff that you're even slightly nervous, you've lost the battle before you even pic up a weapon.

2. Approach with Moxy: Confidently approach the grump and firmly state your business.

3. Control the Convo: Before he can fix his tight lips to rebut, tell him your manager has put you in charge of this project and that you need his input as soon as possible. In fact give him a deadline. Tell him you really wish you could be more flexible, but your hands are tied.

4. Get In and Get Out: After you've told him your business and set the deadline, leave posthaste! You don't want to be around for the complaints that are bound to begin pouring out of the grump's mouth. More importantly, this doesn't give the grump a chance to hunt for any weak points in your stance.

You have to work closely with the mean girl on a new project:

1. Make like a duck: In this instance you've gotta develop a tough skin thick enough to let crap roll off of you like water off a duck's back.

2. Never respond in kind: If she's always packing attitude, not being cooperative and shooting down your ideas, just let it go. Never react and mirror her negative attitude. It doesn't help anything and may get you into trouble. Try being as diplomatic as possible. Remind her of the deadline, which may help get the ball rolling.

3. Ask to work with someone else, or on a different assignment: Hey, sometimes it's impossible to work with grouchy people. Pull your manager aside and tell him what the deal is. Make sure you have facts to back up the reason you want to switch partners, or else you'll be stuck.

4. Get to know the Grinch: That's right you read it! Maybe the Grinch is a nice guy deep down. Try to find out more about him. Does he have a family? Does he enjoy his job? What are his hobbies? You'd be surprised at what you'll find out if you take the time to learn about your co-worker!

Hope these tips start you on the path to a better relationship with the resident office Negative Nancy. And if all else fails, make sure to keep your resume updated and active on those nifty job search sites! (but that's no guarantee of escape either) If you have any tips leave them in the comment box. We'd love to hear them.

-the gurus










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Or Hardly Working: Cliquefest

Cliques are becoming an annoying but growing trend in my office bldg. I hate the way grown men and women feel the need to form groups with the sole purpose of excluding others. The way it works here, is that people congregate by workgroup.
The most annoying of them are the customer service cronies. I didnt pay too much attention to them until they began gathering in the employee breakroom area during lunch.

Don't get me wrong. I dont mind people developing friendships in the workplace, but when they begin to make others uncomfortable, then I do have a problem.

Anyway, back to the workplace gathering:

There's only one room on the entire floor where you can get a snack or drink from a vending machine, sit down for a spell and use the microwave. The CS clique has decided to boguard the room for more than an hour every day. They take up all the seats at the table and make it really uncomfortable to stay in the room while my frozen lunch is heating in the microwave.

Why is it uncomfortable? Because every time I walk in, they pause their talking and then turn and stare at me as I take my food out of the freezer. Once I place it in the oven and walk out, they begin talking again. Its really weird and unsettling.

I thought I left highschool behavior behind, but I guess I was wrong.
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Farting in the Workplace Part Deux (finally)

You knew it was coming. Some of you even made requests for more. Not sure why the first nine tips weren't enough, but to help our fellow cubicle family members out, the gurus have been slaving away (okay not really) researching more discreet ways for you to let that clam sauce you had last night pass through your system without disturbing your cube mate at the office. Here are three ADDITIONAL ways to keep the smell (and attention) away from you when you catch a case of the bubbles:

1. Use the copier as your cover. The copy machine is extremely noisy and will mask even the loudest farts. This is also another way to employ Rule Number One of the first installment we published back in July. Only thing with the copier cover is you have to make sure you time your farts with the rhythm of the printing, or you might be found out!

2. Clean your desk/ workspace with Lysol. Lysol is your friend. Lysol isn't only good for killing 99% of germs -- it's good for masking odors. Buy one of those mini bottles and keep it in your drawer. When you need to let one rip, bust out the dusting cloth and Lysol. It works quickly too, and no one will be able to tell you just pooted unless it's noisy.

3. Get some air. Canned air can be a life saver. To break up that funky gas, pump a few blasts of canned air near your fanny as soon as you break wind. That freezing cold air will annihilate those stinky gas molecules in an instant and cool you down too, if it was a hot one. Don't forget to take the little straw thing out before using it though, or else it wont blast enough air to cover you!

Hey, we all do it, and we all have to let it out. The doctor says keeping in gas is bad for you. So follow the guide (or refer back to the first one) and we guarantee that you will be able to cut the cheese all day without fear of being sniffed out. We know you'll thank us the next time you're driving to work and you let a nasty one go, knowing that it'll only get worse as the day goes on.

What should you do when your days are numbered?

I've been working in the Administration field for quite some time now. You know, answering phones, filing, scheduling, typing, data entry, the whole sha'bang.

Well you would think my name was John Connor when I tell you that I could see the future. *war music here* I could see an office without me and my administrative staff. An office where every hard document will become digital; where all file cabinets will become a thing of the past; where professionals will have no choice but to answer their own freakin' phone.

Are you in the midst of or have previously assisted in making your work place more efficient, technologically advanced? Are you welcoming in the very software, which for some reason you feel will take your job in the near future? Has the Terminator come for your livelihood?

If all roads are clearing to a not so certain future for you, don't try to fake yourself out of it. Exhibit positivity. Prepare as if you knew the date of your Judgment Day. If you have time saved up, find fun ways of using it, slowly but surely. Save, Save, and save money some more. And if drawing from unemployment is a part of your future, pray to your higher power that you're not in a state which is swimming in debt. Yes, your contributions are owed to you. However, the extention of unemployment benefits beyond your contributions aren't guaranteed.

Whether you are in this boat or not, what I can guarantee is that someone you know, is in this boat. A small business can be run from an iPhone these days. Be prepared for the worst, in the best way possible. Maybe you could fight off our judgment day by going to school for another certification, degree, license, etc.

If you actually believe that the workforce in this country is getting any better, "Don't believe the hype!"

Can you repeat that?

Have you ever worked with someone who was hard of hearing, but didnt want to admit it? Well, I do and let me tell you, it bites! It's so hard not to say, "Sir, you know you have a hearing problem, right?" They try to act like they can hear just as well as everyone else.

We at OHW have worked hard to remain below the radar and come and go to the office without being detected. Those hard of hearing will ruin your anonymity and possibly your whole work day! How? Like this:

1. They force you to speak loud enough for others to hear you through the cube walls
2. They make you repeat yourself so now people are actually able to recognize your voice
3. You can't even have a conversation that isn't related to work because you have to talk so loud, your boss can definitely hear you now

It's so annoying to have to not only repeat myself, but to yell what Im trying to say to a person less than 15 feet away from me. I hate this....

How to Resolve an Office Conflict

Here at OrHardlyWorking we have discussed all types of annoying coworkers, including the brown nosers, the Tammy talk-a-lots, the office sticky fingers and the nose-picking bosses. Some coworkers can be innocently annoying while others are coworkers of another breed. A breed of employee that disrupts a department’s flow of harmony and its minimal discord. He could be the type that is always argumentative and easily riled up. On the other hand, she could be the type that causes trouble on the low, pretends to be nice, but is really pain in the behind.

It’s easy to say just ignore it and it will work itself out. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes it is not. You can’t always just let or wait for something to work itself out because it may be something that cannot be easily resolved. Before things are said that aren’t worth repeating or actions being taken that shouldn’t even be considered plausible are being taken you should stop and think.

Open the lines of communication between you and that person. Talking will enable both parties to effectively communicate their feelings on the situation. Perhaps it is as simple as a misunderstanding.

If you and that person cannot come to an understanding, requesting the help of a third party might be another option. Having an unbiased third party hear both sides of the disagreement might prove to be helpful.

A conflict between coworkers may not always be work-related. Some conflicts are personal and it is important to determine whether the conflict is business or personal.
If it is personal, it may be sexually, or racially and ethnically motivated.

When it becomes apparent that you will not reach an understanding, involving a supervisor might help resolve the conflict. Well, that's our advice.

We would like to hear what you have to say. What steps did you take to resolve your workplace conflicts?

Guru Physical: relief for your pain in the neck (literally)

If you are like me, you harbor the resentment of having to work a 9-5 in your neck and shoulders, which causes pain and discomfort. Sometimes I feel cramps in my neck and my shoulder. NO matter what I do, no matter which way I position my chair or mouse, my neck hurts!

I did some Internet research and found a few "exercise at your desk" moves that actually relieve my neck and shoulder pain for a while. Hope they help you too:

1) Deep breathing

Anxiety alters our natural breathing pattern. I know every time "shufflefoot," my nosy co-worker approaches, my heart beats a little faster. I calm myself by inhaling as deeply as I can then hold that breath for as long as is comfortable. Next, I exhale slowly until my diaphragm is completely emptied. If you breathe in this mindful manner, focusing on nothing but your breathing and how good it feels to relax, for several minutes, you’ll be amazed at how much more relaxed you’ll feel after even just a few minutes.

2)Play a game

There are stress-relieving video games available for download to your phone (Blackberry or iPhone included). Do a Google search and see what you come up with. If all else fails, play Solitaire on your desktop during lunch. It really does help.

3) Stretch

I know you can't do an all out head-to-toes stretch in your cubicle, or in the middle of your office common area (well you can as long as you don't mind people staring), but there are some discreet stretches that can be done right in your office chair!

Neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, wrist and ankle rotations, and calf flexing are just a few examples of places that can be loosened without bringing too much attention to yourself. Try tensing and releasing each muscle group independently, working through your entire body. It really works!

4) Get the hell out of your chair

By simply walking, you’ll get those endorphins flowing and will release tension. Its easy to fit it in. Try using the bathroom farthest from your cube, or taking the stairs when you go to lunch. If the weather's nice, take a 10-minute stroll around outside. It's good to get some fresh air and look at it this way, that's 10 minutes away from your nose-picking boss and slacker cube-mate!

5) Touch yourself

Use the power of touch to melt that tension away. How? With the tips of your fingers.

Place the tips of your middle and forefingers at your temples, and massage in small circles with firm pressure. This also works on the hinges of your jaw. You would be surprised at how much tension is held in the jaw. It feels good to loosen those muscles up too. You can open your mouth really wide (as if you're yawning) for good measure. Do that while you massage, and you are guaranteed to feel better! We promise.

That's all for now. Hope this helps until you hit the lottery, curse out everyone that has ever done you wrong at the job and finally take that cruise around the world! It's a fantasy but we believe that one day you'll get out of the godforsaken office you have to schlep to daily. Oh yes, we can see it now, the sandy beaches, crystal blue waters.... well, you get the drift.

If you want more details about relieving stress at work, look it up! I'm trying my best NOT to work that hard...

-the Guru