BREAKDOWN
If you live in the Metro DC area then you arent a stranger to the congestion of traffic that will turn a 30-minute commute into a 1.5-2 hour commute at the blink of an eye. The geniuses at V-DOT came up with some extra highway lanes but they are only for cars with at least three passengers. Guess they want to promote carpooling and help out our environment.
WHY I SLUG
After a year of leaving my house at an ungodly hour just to drive 30 miles to the office in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I decided to give "slugging" a try. Slugging allows commuters to ride the HOV lanes without having to organize their own personal carpooling crews. It's simple! Riders (Slugs) park at designated commuter lots and then stand in line to be picked up by drivers (Scrapers) on their way to wherever.
PROS
When I first began slugging, I preferred to "scrape" because I felt safer and more in control of my time. I even joked that I was like a john cruising down the red light district. Sometimes I would start singing, Donna Summer's, "Bad Girls" when I picked slugs up, but many were not amused by my insinuation that they were prostitutes. Even still, I would say, "Toot toot! HAAAA! Beep beep! to friendly riders. They usually got a kick out of that.
THE SWITCH
Although I was most definitely enjoying an easier commute and could leave the house at a decent hour (much later than before) Eventually, I began riding. I found that being a slug did not control my time as much as I thought it would, and the benefits of slugging far outweighed those in scraping. I saved money on gas, wear-and-tear on my car and I wasnt as tired at the end of the workday because I wasnt the one behind the wheel fighting traffic! Oh, and if you're in the market to buy a new car but unsure which one to go with, slugging can definitely help you make up your mind!
CONS
Forrest Gump proclaimed, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!" How true that holds for the life of an HOV slug. I've been in all types of vehicles with many different drivers. There are the ones who drive fast, those who drive too slow; radio listeners, non-radio listeners and then there are the drivers with political agendas. Oy Vey!
HOV ADVENTURES
The life of a slugger is an exciting one and oftentimes can be adventurous. Once I had a very smelly driver. I will never get into that black Mercedes again. And once I rode with a guy in a white Ford Explorer who wouldnt turn on the air conditioning during 90-degree weather!
Yesterday a fellow slug of mine and I got into different cars one behind the other. We (unbeknown to the drivers) had a race. My friend's driver passed us a few times, but in the end my driver was victorious and got me to the commuter lot first! We were texting updates the entire drive and criticizing the way our scrapers drove. And before that, an older lady jumped the line! Boy were people upset! There is an etiquette to slugging and some people simply refuse to follow along.
All in all, I hope I never have to drive on the main road again. I don't miss the longer commute and sitting in traffic all day! 
Jun 16, 2010
OHW Presents: Slugging on the H.O.V.
Jun 15, 2010
OHW Presents: "Smelly Meeting," by Voluptuous Enchantress
Our department was 40 people large. Earlier in the day, we held a group lunch featuring Mexican food to celebrate some noxious occasion. The smarter of the bunch avoided the beans for obvious reasons, but a few partook.
Lo and behold, during our group meeting 2 hours later, we are in the executive conference room listening quietly to the Vice President of our department speak, when out of the blue, as in a badly written sitcom what do we hear?
Yeah. A fart. Oh, but this wasn't just an innocent poot that whispered out to be heard by a mere few, but a big, loud and WET nasty fart.
Sad thing about it is that everyone knew who did it because he turned just about as red as a stop sign. No one said anything, and the culprit didn't make any excuses, nor did he excuse himself. He simply put his head down like he was looking at his laptop wishing the stench and embarrassment away, I guess.
He was so embarrassed and all embarrassed for him. Well, except for me and a couple other admins -- we were plain disgusted. I opened a nearby window. I mean, it was refried beans the guy ate!
Everyone near him turned their chairs, noses pointing away from the offender, and the meeting continued on. When the meeting was adjourned Smelly Kelly was the first person to hightail his way out of the boardroom. Everyone else burst out laughing.
Haven't seen him since.
About the author: The Enchantress is a happy, healthy single Black female living in New York City. By profession an Executive Administrative Assistant to the Vice President of a major Pharmaceutical company, her interests include international travel, multi-cultural cooking and learning to becoming a professional chef. She loves Jazz music (Miles Davis is so slept on!!), Neo Soul, reading sappy love stories, horror movies (not gory....just scary), learning anything about Black History, mentoring young Black females about relationships and life and loving
family with all there is to give.
Jun 14, 2010
WE HAVE A WINNER
Our Winner is Voluptuous Enchantress!
Check back tomorrow for her winning essay. It had us rolling!
Miss VE has won a $50 giftcard from Restaurant.com where she can chow down at any restaurant in her area!
Check back for the Enchantress's bio and contest entry!
-The Gurus
Jun 8, 2010
Or Hardly Working Guest Blogger Spotlight: Show Us What You Got!
Here's the skinny:
Official Rules:
ShareThis
Jun 7, 2010
...Or Hardly Working Tip of the Day: Working with The Office Grouch
I think we've all run into this problem, as it's very common. There's always one to every office and unfortunately you may have to actually interact with this person more frequently than you'd like. In either case, I'm talking about the office grump --The "Oscar" of your cubicle block so to speak. How do you handle said party pooper whose always gushing negativity, telling you what he will or will not do, and complaining about every little thing? Below are two scenarios and a few tips to get you through your work day. Hope you find them helpful.
Mr. Grinch is late on an assignment and your boss tells you that you're responsible for collecting it:
1. Do Not Panic: Your first step is to send Mr. Meany an email as soon as you learn your mission. If he doesn't respond in a timely manner, unfortunately this means you will need to confront him. Don't be afraid. Grouches can sense fear and if he gets a whiff that you're even slightly nervous, you've lost the battle before you even pic up a weapon.
2. Approach with Moxy: Confidently approach the grump and firmly state your business.
3. Control the Convo: Before he can fix his tight lips to rebut, tell him your manager has put you in charge of this project and that you need his input as soon as possible. In fact give him a deadline. Tell him you really wish you could be more flexible, but your hands are tied.
4. Get In and Get Out: After you've told him your business and set the deadline, leave posthaste! You don't want to be around for the complaints that are bound to begin pouring out of the grump's mouth. More importantly, this doesn't give the grump a chance to hunt for any weak points in your stance.
You have to work closely with the mean girl on a new project:
1. Make like a duck: In this instance you've gotta develop a tough skin thick enough to let crap roll off of you like water off a duck's back.
2. Never respond in kind: If she's always packing attitude, not being cooperative and shooting down your ideas, just let it go. Never react and mirror her negative attitude. It doesn't help anything and may get you into trouble. Try being as diplomatic as possible. Remind her of the deadline, which may help get the ball rolling.
3. Ask to work with someone else, or on a different assignment: Hey, sometimes it's impossible to work with grouchy people. Pull your manager aside and tell him what the deal is. Make sure you have facts to back up the reason you want to switch partners, or else you'll be stuck.
4. Get to know the Grinch: That's right you read it! Maybe the Grinch is a nice guy deep down. Try to find out more about him. Does he have a family? Does he enjoy his job? What are his hobbies? You'd be surprised at what you'll find out if you take the time to learn about your co-worker!
Hope these tips start you on the path to a better relationship with the resident office Negative Nancy. And if all else fails, make sure to keep your resume updated and active on those nifty job search sites! (but that's no guarantee of escape either) If you have any tips leave them in the comment box. We'd love to hear them.
-the gurus
Jun 1, 2010
Or Hardly Working: Cliquefest
Cliques are becoming an annoying but growing trend in my office bldg. I hate the way grown men and women feel the need to form groups with the sole purpose of excluding others. The way it works here, is that people congregate by workgroup.
The most annoying of them are the customer service cronies. I didnt pay too much attention to them until they began gathering in the employee breakroom area during lunch.
Don't get me wrong. I dont mind people developing friendships in the workplace, but when they begin to make others uncomfortable, then I do have a problem.
Anyway, back to the workplace gathering:
There's only one room on the entire floor where you can get a snack or drink from a vending machine, sit down for a spell and use the microwave. The CS clique has decided to boguard the room for more than an hour every day. They take up all the seats at the table and make it really uncomfortable to stay in the room while my frozen lunch is heating in the microwave.
Why is it uncomfortable? Because every time I walk in, they pause their talking and then turn and stare at me as I take my food out of the freezer. Once I place it in the oven and walk out, they begin talking again. Its really weird and unsettling.
I thought I left highschool behavior behind, but I guess I was wrong.
May 28, 2010
TGWOOM: Thank Gooodness We're Off On Monday
Apr 12, 2010
Farting in the Workplace Part Deux (finally)
You knew it was coming. Some of you even made requests for more. Not sure why the first nine tips weren't enough, but to help our fellow cubicle family members out, the gurus have been slaving away (okay not really) researching more discreet ways for you to let that clam sauce you had last night pass through your system without disturbing your cube mate at the office. Here are three ADDITIONAL ways to keep the smell (and attention) away from you when you catch a case of the bubbles:
1. Use the copier as your cover. The copy machine is extremely noisy and will mask even the loudest farts. This is also another way to employ Rule Number One of the first installment we published back in July. Only thing with the copier cover is you have to make sure you time your farts with the rhythm of the printing, or you might be found out!
2. Clean your desk/ workspace with Lysol. Lysol is your friend. Lysol isn't only good for killing 99% of germs -- it's good for masking odors. Buy one of those mini bottles and keep it in your drawer. When you need to let one rip, bust out the dusting cloth and Lysol. It works quickly too, and no one will be able to tell you just pooted unless it's noisy.
3. Get some air. Canned air can be a life saver. To break up that funky gas, pump a few blasts of canned air near your fanny as soon as you break wind. That freezing cold air will annihilate those stinky gas molecules in an instant and cool you down too, if it was a hot one. Don't forget to take the little straw thing out before using it though, or else it wont blast enough air to cover you!
Hey, we all do it, and we all have to let it out. The doctor says keeping in gas is bad for you. So follow the guide (or refer back to the first one) and we guarantee that you will be able to cut the cheese all day without fear of being sniffed out. We know you'll thank us the next time you're driving to work and you let a nasty one go, knowing that it'll only get worse as the day goes on.
Mar 19, 2010
It's 3:45pm on a Friday, LEAVE ME ALONE!
I understand, you don't want to go home for the weekend because you'll have to spend it with the family you've built. This is why you are calling just before I am out the door with 15 minutes to go, with a conversation that is bound to last for 45 minutes!
Look, I want to go home, and I will go home when the clock allows it. I could care less if your kids have Karate practice or your spouse is sick with the flu, and you don't want to deal with it. You will not keep me from leaving my office when I am allowed!
Why are you calling or stopping by this late on a Friday anyway?You know that people are getting ready to leave the office. Why didn't you finish your project this morning? Oh yea, you were yammering your mouth this morning and now you want to bother me. Hardly!!!
Here is what you should do... Stop procrastinating and get your work done early. Leave me alone. I know that I am on the clock, but you're breaking an unspoken rule, "When Friday's time is winding, don't come arriving!"
Dec 31, 2009
Happy New Year!
Aren't you excited? I mean, it's a new year full of hope and possibilities! Or maybe, just maybe, it's time to use time...
If you are anything like my coworkers, by the time Christmas came around, you didn't have any Vacation time to use for a paid day off. But now... Now that it is 2010, your Vacation and Sick days have been replenished!
Here is a little advice from the OHW Five Star Guru. Now that you have time to use, don't burn a hole in it. I can understand if you have young children and you might run through your time taking care of them when sick. But to take a day off because the weather is bad, not severe? Hardly! Under these circumstances you go to work and relax; I call it an In-House Vacation day. Also, DO NOT take a day off because the weather changed and the first hot day of the season is upon you. This is work, not Middle School. And c'mon, calling out of work because you don't want to get out of bed is a definite time guzzler. Place your alarm across the room so you have to get up to turn it off.
If you follow these simple tips, you just might have enough time saved to take off on Christmas Eve or something. Get like me, and you'd have a two week vacation awaiting you this year.
From all of us at Or Hardly Working, Happy New Year and stay tuned!
Dec 7, 2009
Guru Rant: Really? Our Christmas Tree is ugly?
Ok, so we have this tradition in our office of putting up the artificial Christmas Tree with all the trimmings. This isn't a mandatory deal for everybody, more of a show of unity between a bunch of broke people that can't afford to do a $25 Polly-Anna, or however that's spelled.
Well, one of our floor inhabitants decided that she was the Simon Cowell of Christmas Trees, yesterday. Mind you, I wasn't in the office yesterday because I am hardly working these days. But do you know that this woman that clearly doesn't have a life at home and Tiger probably would've cheated on if she was 25 years younger, had the nerve to come to our area and say that our tree looked like she did? Well she didn't say that exactly. She just said that our tree was ugly.
Are you kidding me? Is this what she calls being in the Christmas Spirit; critiquing an office tree?
Look, I beg of you, to be on the lookout for 'Lifers'. These are the people that obviously aren't getting any attention at home. Their lives revolve around their jobs and they wonder why their life at home revolves around going back to work. I just want to let you know that 'lifers' don't have sex either. If they did, they sure wouldn't be telling people that their Christmas tree is ugly.
So in closing, if you are in a marriage or a long running relationship that is failing you on a sexual level, you better work that out and fast. Because you just might be walking around the office, telling people that their tree is ugly, so to speak, and don't even know it.
Nov 16, 2009
Guru Rant: All out of (Pot)Luck
I can understand the "family" message that our floor committee is trying to convey. (Since we work with each other more than we see the people who actually matter.) But these people are not "real family." I resent the way they want everybody inthe office "family" to bring in a dish, eat together and talk together.
This guru is totally against that for these reasons:
1: If I have never been in your kitchen at home, I will NOT eat your goods. The last thing I need to eat is dog hair potato salad with snotty child spinach dip.
2: If I don't like you, I will NOT eat your goods. So if you somehow dumped your work on me and took credit for it, we are NOT cool and I will not eat your "I've last cleaned my oven about 10 years ago" Macaroni and Cheese.
Last but certainly not least, flu season and the Holiday season goes hand-in-hand. And speaking of hands, how often do you wash yours? I've stood in the bathroom and witnessed coworkers going from the seat, directly out the door without one ounce of water hitting their crappy hands! (Pun could be intended depending on your mood). So sorry, I will NOT eat your H1N1-chip cookies.
Remember, OHW family, you are playing Russian Roulette by attending the stupid office Potluck with your coworkers. So proceed with extreme caution.
I have to get back to work... Hardly!!!
Oct 27, 2009
Guru Rant: The Whisperers
Look, let's get one thing clear... I could care less about any statement that could come out of your pie-hole. I have more important things not to do. But if you continue to whisper when I walk down the aisle or come back to my cubicle, I will start to think that you are talking about me.
Nope, I will not think that you are talking about something that you don't want anybody else to know. I will think that you are talking about me. Why? Because this place doesn't matter at all to me. Do you see any pictures of my family on my desk? Nope, and there's a very good reason for that. I don't have any pictures of my coworkers on my fireplace.
Oh, and if you are going to whisper, please, just shut up. Because you obviously can't do your job right, and now, you can't whisper properly? Stop gossiping! That's some High School nonsence that a fellow Guru just touched on. Damn Whisperers...
